Why Are Trans People So Pushy? | Kat Blaque

This video was brought to you by the lovely
members of my Patreon| We understand that people have to use the bathroom and have to
go to work and have to, you know, we understand have to go to school. If we understand that
that’s a normal thing that most people do, but as a transgender person, by virtue of
you being transgender, especially when you don’t pass or don’t want to pass, right? You’re
viewed as being forceful and being pushy and that’s the reality of it. [Music] Hey guys, it’s Kat and it’s time for another
episode of true tea. I wanted to thank you guys so much for joining me here for yet another
episode. Some of you guys are brand new here so you don’t know that we upload these videos
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I tend to give in scripted videos. When I write a script, obviously, especially
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there’s a lot of stuff that, um, I don’t really get to say and I feel like the past couple
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in your subscription box. So anyway, we’re going to be having a conversation about pushy
transgender people. Um, but before we do, let’s go to our kitchen and grab ourselves
something to drink. Now I am drinking the very last of the peach tranquility tea. Um,
I put all of my Teavana tea in like one little canister cause I only have that much left.
Really. Um, so many guys don’t know this, but I do now have a PO box. So if you guys
are interested in sending me tea or really sitting the anything, someone sent me this
really, really cute little, um, little stuff, parrot. And, um, I just like sitting him right
over here looking all cute over there on perch. Um, if you guys liked sending me stuff or
you want to send me stuff, I love getting packages. So if you’re interested, um, this is my PO
box, you can send me basically whatever. I will try to do my best to show the stuff that
I received in, um, the these videos that I do. And also there’s a bunch of posters here
that people sent me on through my Amazon wishlist, this cowboy bebop poster, this Dracula poster,
this cat poster over in the corner. Thank you guys so much for sending me stuff. Those
you guys will already have. So anyway, we’ve been rambling on. Let’s get into the video
and ramble some more about something that I think is, you know, kind of an important
conversation. So let me take a sip of this tea and let’s get into this video. So I wanted
to have a conversation with you guys about an accusation that I hear quite a bit from
CIS people on. And it’s something that I have a certain reaction to just because of the
way that I’ve personally lived my life. And so I wanted to really talk about it because
like I said, it does kind of relate to the J K Rowling video that I just did. So yeah,
let’s get into it. I wanted to talk about the idea that transgender people are pushy,
are forceful and are trying to make it so that people can’t just say what they really
feel. Right. Um, especially when it comes to in the workplace. Right? So there’s, we’re
going to talk about a lot of stuff in this video, but I wanted to start out this video
by saying a couple of things, right? Like I talked about in my last video about stealth
and how transphobia pushes people to be stealth. Um, I made the decision in 2014 to no longer
be invested in stealth in the way that I used to. And I did that because I wanted to come
to YouTube and I want it to sort of have conversations from the perspective that I have. And I, and I, it’s one that I feel it’s a
perspective that I feel is very, very, very underrepresented. A lot of people having conversations
about trans life online are not in the stage of life that I’m currently in where, you know,
I transitioned over a decade ago. I don’t really live a life in my daily life where
I’m finding myself always going up against, you know, different trans things. I often
forget that I’m transgender. I’ve a lot of people in my life personally who don’t even
know that I’m trans. And people who do know, but they forget as well, you know? And that’s
kind of my life, right? I’m not a person who in my real life is finding myself, fighting
against a lot of these sort of transphobic things that we talk about on this channel.
So I’m saying all that to say that I think when you’re watching my videos, you should
understand that while I may be on here, very, very invested in a lot of these conversations
and that’s why we’re having them. My daily life isn’t truly effected by the
discourse. And I think in the way that a lot of other people’s is, you know, I’m not going
to listen to you come to me and say, well, you’re just a man and you should do this and
dah, dah, dah, dah, and then like suddenly change what I’m doing or change how I’m living.
I can have a lot of these conversations the way that I’m having them because I have frankly,
the privilege to have a life where I’m not reminded of my, of my transness every three
minutes, you know? So, um, but that being said, that hasn’t always been the case. And
that’s why I wanted to talk about this because I do think that it is a very interesting perspective
that I think people misunderstand about transgender people. Right? Like I said, I decided to come
on the internet to share my sort of perspectives about trans life. And as we have, I say it in almost every video.
I’ve been making these videos since I was 15 years old. I’m 29 years old now. And one
of the things that has that the internet has always been really great for is it, it’s allowed
me to have a space for me to vent. There was a time where I came on this very YouTube channel
and I was dealing with transphobic stuff. I was dealing with all of these different
ways in which I wasn’t totally quite fitting into society and I came on here and I vented
and I was in pain and I was angry and I said what I had to say because I felt like no one
else would listen to me and this was the only space for me to say those sorts of things.
Right. I’ve talked about this in previous videos, but a lot of the reasons why I started
a YouTube channel was because I felt in my personal life, no one really cared about what
I was experiencing and I always felt like I would be burdening people by talking about
the frustration and pain and the things like that. So I came onto YouTube because I was like,
well, people can opt into watching my stuff and listening to me bitch and moan, as opposed
to me feeling like I’m just forcing them to listen to me. You know what I mean? So for
me, what I am observing right now is there are a lot of people who have translated transgender
people coming on the internet and expressing pain and frustration to transgender people
are forcing us and pushing us to do certain things, right? Here’s the reality of being
a transgender person. I think we should also establish this really early on in this video,
even though we’re about seven, eight minutes in, I know that for some CIS people, transgender
people are overrepresented, right? A lot of people feel like trans people are so present
there. They’re everywhere. They’re all around. Oh my gosh, I can’t go anywhere without hearing
about this trans stuff. So you translate that to to be that transgender
people are “A” accepted and are “B” in a position right now socially where they have a lot of
power. Right? But the reality is, the reality is, and I see I’ve said this in the past couple
videos that I’ve made, and I know that there are people who disagree with me, but this
is just what I feel doing the work I’ve been doing for the past decade plus. The reality
is, is that the vast majority of people do not accept and will never accept transgender
people. And for me, I feel that way because I’ve, I’ve seen how this discourse has gone
for, I, I talked about this in the past couple of videos I’ve made, but for me it will always
be baffling that we spend so much time talking about the fucking bathroom, that we spend
so much time talking about the something that I’ve done in consequentially again for the
past over a decade. Right? The fact for me, the fact that we’re
still having that conversation and it’s the conversation that, by the way we’ve been having
since I’ve been making content on here, says to me how transgender acceptance is just at,
it’s like it’s, there’s, there’s, there’s base, there’s, it’s, it’s at its baby stages.
Right. So funny, I was just talking to you guys about like why I started blogging and
I, as we were talking about this, I remembered a story that I had when I was in college,
cause you guys know that I started, I started my transition in college. Um, well, and it
start my transition in college. I started, when I went to college, I was identity. I
identified as gender queer. I’ve got the college realized that I had the ability to like re-examine
and reassess who I was and recognize that I was far more binary than I initially thought
that I was with. It’s kind of disappointing, you know, I thought
it was like, I was more interesting than that, but it is what it is. I’m just a woman and
that just kind of is what it is. But anyway, I remember, um, when I was dealing with this,
with my, with my classmates, it was really, um, it was a very, very hard thing because
I went to a summer school program before I went to actual Cal arts. Right. I went to
SISA if you’re familiar with the school, um, I went to SISA and I knew all these people.
And you know what, when I met those people, I was a very radical, queer, outspoken person
who didn’t give a fuck what pronouns you called me, you know, call me and [inaudible] it is
what it is. That was, that was the perspective I used to have. Right. Um, and then when I
went away to college and really start to understand who I was, it really started to bother me
that people would use certain pronouns with me and use a certain name with me. It really, really, really bothered me. Right.
Um, and I had this experience in, um, class one day where I was, this was, I think my,
like either my sophomore and my junior year, I don’t remember. We had this animation teacher
that I absolutely hated. Um, but the one thing that he did was when I was in his class, cause
it was this weird thing where like my animation teacher who was shitty, he only knew me as
how I had presented myself to him in those, that period of time. But my classmates had
known me for, you know, years at this point, right. When the sanitation teacher saw me
and interacted with me, he, without even thinking about it, use female pronouns. Right. And
it was just, it just was what it was. And I remember sitting in class one day and listening
to people, um, you know, giggle whenever the teacher would refer to me with she and her
pronouns. And it was, it was such a bizarre thing for
me because he was doing the right thing by using the right pronouns. Right. And I don’t
think he, I don’t know if he knew that I was trans. I just got a sense, I don’t know. But
he was just referring to me and she, and her, she and her pronouns, which side note was
how most people, cause I was in college, I definitely did this thing. And this is kind
of a theme throughout my life where I stopped hanging out with people at school as much
as people outside of the school because people outside of this school were respecting my
pronouns. They were calling me by the right name. They were not mis-gendering me all the
time. And so because of that, I felt, um, I felt more comfortable with those people
than I did at school. I didn’t like having to have these contentious
conversations with my classmates about things and my pronouns. This is my name because I
just, you know, when you’re in a situation where people just accept you and don’t challenge
your gender and aren’t constantly trying to figure your shit out, you know, it’s just
a lot happier for you to use, a lot healthier and happier for you to be in that environment
as opposed to a place where you’re constantly finding yourself at odds with someone fighting
over whether or not your gender is valid, you know, I’m going to pick the one that makes
the most sense. Right? But anyway, um, I was really hurt by my, by my classmates, laughing
at my professor properly. Gendering me. Right. Um, and back then I had a blogger at a blogger
account and I wrote this really angry, scathing blog post and I suppose my blogs onto my Facebook
page. And so all my classmates were able to see
it. I was just so pissed. I was so pissed off by the fact that my classmates were laughing
at me, were not understanding that this is my name and this is my pronoun, so I can,
I work this post or I essentially announced that this is who I am. These are my pronouns,
this is my name. If you respect me, if you want me to be around you, you will call me
these things. Right now. That was online, that was on the internet where I had no om.
I had, I had no om interaction with someone face to face. Right. Online. It sounds really,
really aggressive, but in person, the reality is I was slinking down in my chair, you know,
listening to my classmates laugh at me. Which side note being in college, when I would deal
with stuff like that, when I would deal with like these little sort of annoying transphobic
moments, um, it would ruin, it would ruin, it would ruin class for me. I couldn’t focus because I was just dealing
with the fact that there were people who were having an opinion period about my transness.
It fucked me up. It fucked with my mind. Right? Um, anyway, so I was in my real life, not
going to be a person who pushed anyone into call me by my right name, call me from my
right pronouns. Cause here’s a thing. Here’s the thing, and this is, this is why I sometimes
find the pushy transgender thing to be such a weird thing. Right? Like I said, at the
top of this video, most people don’t support transgender people. Most people don’t agree
with transgender people. They may pantomime support and allyship, but they don’t. Transgender
people are very, very, very aware that if they stood up for themselves, if they say,
Hey, that’s my, that’s not my my name. Hey, those aren’t my pronouns. We know we’re not going to get support. We
know that the moment we start talking about that, we’re going to get into this, this huge
debate about your biology and what, what, what’s your, what genitalia do you have that
in it? Ah, so in real life, most transgender people are going to be kind of sheepish. They’re
going to be kind of quiet. They know and are aware of the fact that their gender is not
going to be respected. They’re aware of the fact that if they stand up for themselves,
they’re not going to have backup. They’re not going to be able to, you know, have that
conversation and have it go the the right way. Right. And it’s what’s so funny to me
is a lot of people, and this is the thing I think people don’t understand truly. A lot
of people don’t get that for most transgender people. They just want to be able to live a life where
their transness is not the most immediately important thing in every social interaction
that they have. I’m gonna repeat that. Most transgender people do not want to live a life
where the most immediate thing in every single social interaction they have is their transness.
Right. That’s kind of a thread that I think was missing in a couple of the previous videos
that I made because to some people your perspective is like reading, you know, reading transgender
people talk about their trends shit online is transgender. People just want to throw
it in our face all the time. They just want to be pushing that agenda. They just want
to put up a robot. No, most transgender people want to be able to navigate the world without
their transits being an obstacle. They want to be able to go to school to go to work to,
you know, go out without having to always have conversations about pronouns. The always having to have conversations about
gender. They would like for their gender to be a thing that, you know, people don’t put
as much focus on. Right. But as it currently stands, we have all of these people rallying
against transgender people. We have all these people rallying against what transgender people
are trying to do. In terms of living their lives, right. And so you’re going to have
people going online venting and being upset and talking about their experiences. Right.
And, and that’s being translated as these transgender people are trying to force their
lifestyles on us to try to push. They’re being pushy, they’re being forceful, dah, dah, dah,
dah, dah, biology. There’s biology that, that, you know, and I think that people are really
just missing, they’re missing it. They’re not understanding that if the real world that
transgender people lived in was not one that was so fraught with, with obstacles that that
made them focus on their transness, they wouldn’t go online and bitch and moan about being disrespected
all the time. Right. For a lot of transgender people, the
internet is a place for us to vet. It is a place for us to say the shit that we’re too
afraid of saying in our daily lives. Right. And sure. You’re probably seeing more of it
than you used to because we’re having more conversations about trans people. I talked
about this in previous videos, but back when I was coming up as a trans person, it was,
it was kind of unheard of for you to be an outward open transgender person. The focus
for most people was stealth and fading in the background and not quite being a person
that people knew that was what was the focus. Right? But now we have all of this discourse
around whether or not transgender people should do this, where they’re not transmitted. People
should do that. And so of course we’re going to see more of that now, right? But the reality for most transgender people
is that they’re not living in a situation where they’re being accepted, where they’re
being embraced, where people are using their pronouns correctly, where they are using the
right name. The reality for most transgender people is they’d go through their life in
every single space and they’re being antagonized at every single moment, at every single point.
Right? This is a conversation that we had when there was a video of the trans person
in GameStop. Right? Um, and you know, we can have different sort of debates about that
person, whatever, whatever. But when I saw that video, what I understood as a transgender
person with what probably really happened in that situation is, you know, this is somebody
who they get mis-gendered all the time probably because of what they look like and how they
carry whatever. Right? They get mis-gendered all the time constantly. Right? And I’m sure in every talk, in every
sort of situation they’re in, most situations they’re in. When they get mis-gendered, they
just, they, they not, here’s the thing going, you know, I’m gonna get back to this, but
I want to make this point really clear. A lot of people talk about nonbinary people
and how it’s so silly for nonbinary people to want to use singular. They, if that’s the
pronoun that they use, most non-binary people are very aware of the fact that they’re going
to be mis-gendered. Right? So because of that, they don’t have the anticipation that you’re
going to just look at them and know that they use singular they pronouns. Right. They get
that that’s the case. They get that. That’s not that they’re not going to be respected
in that way. Right. So this idea that they’re just trying to force everybody to use certain
pronouns, it’s just, it’s a misunderstanding of the discourse and the conversation around
it. Right. Most transgender people that kind of land on this, if you miss gender me, it’s
understandable. Right? But if I tell you these are my pronouns, this is my name, this is
how I would like to be referred to. And you upon having that information decide, Oh no,
I’m going to call you what I want to call you. That’s just, that’s just being a jerk. That’s
just being a jerk. Right? And so most transgender people, most non-binary folks are not going
to get upset with you for mis-gendering them. I mean they might, it might hurt, you know,
a lot of people, their dysphoria, I mean you get mis-gendered and it sucks. It fucking
sucks. You know, I haven’t been mis-gendered in a very long time. I’m at least deliberate.
I’ve been deliberately mis-gendered by people who were being transphobic, but I haven’t
been like mis-gendered on accident, you know, cause that’s when it hurts is when it’s on
accident. I’ve been centered on accident in quite some time. Um, but um, it does suck
when it happens. Right. But most transgender people are aware that it’s going to happen.
Right. So they’re not going to be raging at you. You know, like going back to the GameStop
person, you saw what I believe was the culmination of this person being mr gender and at every
single point. And then the point that they, that they, that got recorded was the point
where they were Daisy, they had had it, they had had it, they had been mis-gendered throughout
the day and they just had it, you know, and that was their reaction. I’m not defending it necessarily, but I’m
saying that’s how some transgender people end up feeling where they find themselves
so frustrated, so annoyed by the fact that at every turn they find themselves having
to defend their transness, that they react, that they react. Right. Going back to the
workplace stuff. I’ve had a lot of conversations about people talking about people transitioning
in their workplace and they’re aware that, you know, for example, trans women, again,
we always talk about trans men. We never talk about trans men, we never talk about trans
DEFAT people. It’s always trans women, right? But for example, there are people who have
a trans woman w in their workplace, right? That trans woman comes out and says, Hey,
I want my printer, my pronouns are this, my name is that. And these people who work with
this person, they’ll say this. They’ll say, look, I support transgender rights. I support transgender people. But this trans
woman who says that her name is Alexis and her pronouns are, she and her is a biological
man. And so I personally am going to refuse to call her by that name or call her by those
pronouns. So my interactions with that person will always be me saying he and him and calling
him Alex instead of Alexis. Right? For me, this is one of the most baffling things, right?
You can’t, on one hand say I support trans people and I think transgender people are
a okay. And then also says say however, you know, I know that this person wants to be
called this and wants to be called that, but I’m going to, you know, refer to them as this
because of their biology. One of the things that to me is also so baffling about these
conversations is that who we are. And while yes, there is some degree in which
our social interactions are biologically inspired, right? The vast majority of time that we interact
with each other, we’re not citing biology, we’re not, you know, this idea that we should
treat people according to their biology is very bizarre to me personally. And I think
it, maybe it’s just because I’m transgender because I was a person who from a very young
age was treated as a CIS woman because I’m a person who, despite my biology, I don’t
currently live a life where I’m fighting for people to accept me as a woman. It’s just
one of those generally accepted things that I never think about unless I’m making a video.
For you guys, right? I think because I live that way, I’m very intimately aware that biology
isn’t necessarily the thing that, that Nessus like infinitely defines how we interact with
each other. And so this idea that when you have a transgender
person working in your, your workplace that because you know that there are trans, and
because they said that, you know, they, they, they’ve come out to you and they’ve said,
Hey, this is, isn’t that, that you’re just going to go out of your way to, to, to use
the name, you know, they don’t want to hear and also use the pronouns, you know, that
they don’t want you to use. Like I just, you’re just being an asshole. Like to me you’re just
being a jerk. And for me you can’t on one hand say you support transgender people, you
are here for transgender rights, but then you live like that. Like to me, these, these,
these things don’t connect. I wish that people would stop being, this is going to sound really
weird. I wish people would be, would stop being so afraid of just being transphobic. You know? Like for me, again, I don’t call
a lot of things transphobic. I don’t think that every single, like, look, I don’t, you
know, you know, knock my knee and suddenly it’s transphobia. It’s not, that’s not how
I feel. But like to me that’s very, that’s very simple transphobia. Do you know what
I mean? Like you going out of your way to to call a transgender person by a name and
pronoun that, you know, they don’t like that, you know, they don’t identify as that, you
know, makes them feel a certain way. That’s just really, that’s really clear cut transphobia.
It just is. I don’t like, I don’t think you can, you can say, well, you know, I’m totally
for transgender people, but I’m going to create this environment in the work. Like, look,
I worked for myself. Okay. And I’ve worked for myself for a very long time. Right? I worked for myself largely because
I wasn’t able to get a job when I was younger and trans and things like that. So I just
decided that I would become a person who, you know, worked how their own business worked
for themselves. Did this sort of thing. That’s why I’ve been doing it for so long, right?
Cause I wanted to avoid all of that workplace transphobic bullshit, right? Because in all
reality, I felt when I was younger, I felt so afraid of dealing with transphobia in the
workplace that I said, you know what? I’m going to try to avoid it as much as possible.
And I’m fortunate that it’s worked out for me that I loved my job, especially in the
past couple, two years, I’ve been really, really taking my job seriously and really
loving it. Right? But most trans people aren’t going to be able to do that. Most transgender people are not going to be
able to work independently, so they have to work in the workplace. They have to work in
the work. We understand that people have to use the bathroom and have to go to work and
have to, you know, we understand have to go to school. We understand that that’s a normal
thing that most people do. But as a transgender person, by virtue of you being transgender,
especially when you don’t pass or don’t want to pass, right. You’re viewed as being forceful
and being pushy, and that’s the reality of it, right? I know that for some people you
see all this shit. You see all this stuff online. You can’t help but feel that people
are just that the the, but the reality though is reality though, is most of us are just
building up the confidence to leave the fucking house, right? Most of us are just building up the confidence
to just leave the fucking house. I spent years, years not going anywhere because I was so
paralyzed by the idea of what going out and being a trans person would be. I mean, there
were times where I would only only go out at night. There are times where I would only
go out and like a hoodie, right? Like I, there were times where I was so afraid of living
and being myself because I knew that transphobia existed and that it could kill me. Right.
The idea that trans people are just across the board, pushy and forceful and trying to
get you to feel a certain way is just so bizarre to me because I know that most transgender
people are just building up the confidence and be the fucking house as themselves. So
anyway, I think I said all I could say, I’ve said a lot in this video. I know this video is probably super, super,
super, super long. Oh my gosh, it’s very, very long video. But you know, this is what
I wanted to say. I felt like it was really important for me to, to add this to the narrative
because again, the narrative, the transgender that people have about transgender people
and like what I know about transgender life is just so night and day and it’s been a very
strange thing for me to reconcile. So I just wanted to share that perspective and hopefully
it was helpful to someone. So yeah. Anyway, if you made it through this entire video,
if you watch this entire video, first of all, thank you. You are, you are, you are awesome.
But if you made it through this video, put this emoji in the comment section. I will
appreciate you doing that. I always do. You guys are fucking awesome for, you know, putting
the emojis and leading them. I know last week I forgot it, but you know,
this week, hopefully I will remember to put this in post. So, yeah. Anyway, on that note,
I will see you guys next week. Right now you were looking at two videos that you can watch.
If you would like to continue to om sip true T with me on this channel. Like I said, we
do this every single Tuesday, but here’s some previous ones that you want to watch those
instead and the bottom. There’s ways for you to send me tips and there’s also my PO box.
If you want to send me anything, I could definitely use some more tea. So anyway, I’m not, no,
I will see you guys next Tuesday. Bye.