My Thoughts on Roommates


You know, I never really understood trigger-words until I got… ROOMMATES I hated my roommates Except for you, Isaac. (He watches my videos) You:”Oh, James! You didn’t hate your roommates. You just…mildly disliked them!” YES I DID! When I first moved out of my house and went to college, the day I moved into my apartment and I opened the front door, this is what I saw: Keep in mind all the build up that has gone into this moment. First, I had to accepted into the school. Then, pick my major and classes. Then, I had to find an apartment close to the school and get everything set up there. Then I had to pack everything up into a suitcase, kiss my dogs goodbye, and then be all on my own, for the very first time. I opened the door to where I would be living for the next eight months and this is what I see: someone sleeping on a couch, he was wearing some bright fast food employee uniform, the TV is on, there’s a Halo Five poster hanging on the wall, the sink, counter and table is full of dirty dishes, there’s a big industrial-sized trash can that is overflowing, inside the fridge, there was an empty box of Dr. Pepper, a bottle of ketchup and a Jumbo Cosco-sized pack of hotdogs. (pause) WHERE DID ALL THESE DISHES COME FROM? Fun fact: those hotdogs were still in the fridge when I left. But the WORST thing that was there, was there was about a MILLION basketball cards just lying on the floor. I’m not even exaggerating–here’s proof: Okay, so I got a single-room because I brought all my drawing stuff and I would feel bad if I shared a room with someone and he had to deal with all my drawing stuff being there. (And also I wanted to be alone.) Looking back, I’m so glad I got a single room because that room couldn’t even fit myself. Literally–I could stand in the middle of the room, hold my hands out and without moving my feet, I could touch the walls of the room. Maybe I just have long arms, I dunno. I mean, I could settle for a small bedroom but what made living there so horrible– were the ROOMMATES! What I didn’t realize was that these boys also got private rooms. so that means that they too, were socially awkward and kept to themselves. Which you might think is a good thing, BUT YOU’D BE WRONG. On the first night of being by myself, I unpack all my drawing stuff and I set it all up, Then I turn on the computer and the screen is just BLACK. Nothing was turning on. I tried everything to fix it and it just wasn’t turning on. Eventually, I contacted the people who made it, sent it in and got it back working. But during that week while the tablet was being fixed, Like seriously, no joke, that was probably the worst week of my entire life I’m being serious– making comics and Youtube videos was what kept me SANE. and that first night of being on my own, and my tablet broke, I, I cried guys. I couldn’t even eat FOOD I was that sad. I hit rock bottom. I remember just watching CaptianSparkelz and Game Grumps highlights all day. but then, the day I got it back, I was a drawing MACHINE. I posted a comic the very same day. So let’s spend the rest of this video talking about these previously mentioned roommates I had. The first person I need to talk about is Isaac– he was the only one that I liked and he’s also the only one I told that I made Youtube videos. Now this boy wore OBEY caps, he vaped, and he said stuff like, “That’s DOOOOOOOOOOPE” but you wanna know why I liked him the most? BECAUSE HE DID THE DISHES. Like, me AND him did the dishes! (It wasn’t just him okay.) I’d probably never become friends with him in any other circumstance. I just wanted to say that he was the cool one. I Like him. Hi Issac! I miss you. I was looking at this post on the internet and it was where the old memes are today and the after picture for the scumbag Steve meme It looked exactly like my roommate who I’ll just make up a fake name for… Steve for convenience I’m pretty sure I was roommates with a meme. Just put a fedora on this meme and boom! That’s my roommate Steve. And it was a very fitting meme too! This guy wouldn’t do the dishes He always cooked this ramen thing in the microwave And it would leave this gross juice stuff behind So then when I would go to use the microwave, it would get my paper plates soggy So I would have to check every time before I used it to make sure that there was no juice stuff behind! And also at night, he watched Anime. Without headphones. SUBBED. Anime has a certain sound to it, I don’t know if you knew that. It’s like normal Japanese but really… Emphatically. Luckily, it was usually late at night when he started watching So I would just have to get to sleep before he started and I would be all good! You: “James, why didn’t you just ask him to turn it down?” I DID!! One night, I went into his room and I said… “Hey man can you turn it down?” And you know what? He did turn it down for that night. THAT NIGHT. That one night. The very next night… [Music] But you know, he wasn’t too bad He would spend most of his time in his room playing video games and I would spend most of my time in my room, drawing. So except of the microwave juice thing, we didn’t get in each others way too often. Here’s actually a funny story! So when I was filming the part in the Vegan video, when I crumbled up Oreo’s over Reese’s puffs Steve walked into the kitchen and he saw me filming this sugary vegan concoction and i just said to him… “D-Dont Ask” OK, so here’s is the Roommate that I hated the MOST! His fake name will beeeeee … HUNTER. He was the one asleep on the couch when I first walked in And he was the one who had collected all those billions of basketball cards. JUST basketball cards. And he kept them all in the front room. What’s the point of having sports cards when you can’t even play with them! I mean, I spent money on Magic: The Gathering cards But that’s because it’s an actual game that you can play with friends. What do you do with sports cards! I mean, I guess you can leave them in the front room of your apartment Maybe, one day, your roommate might make a video about it though! He left his Mountain Dew bottles on the floor, He farted in public. He always complained that Steve didn’t do the dishes, but he wouldn’t do the dishes either! One time I was tired of doing everyone’s dirty dishes So I bought a big stack of paper plates for everyone to use. But Hunter took the paper plates to a party without even asking me and he didn’t even bring them back! but the worst thing this guy did… one day he told me “My Ex-girlfriend doesn’t want our dog anymore… So he’s coming to live here.” WHAT!!!!!! So this boy wants to bring a dog into an already very small, cramped apartment! I COULDN’T BELIEVE THIS The dog’s name was Snoopy and I loved him! Hunter would put him in his kennel at night, but one night I was like… “Hey Hunter, Snoopy can stay with me if you want” And then BOOM! From that day forth, I was the one taking care of Snoopy! Snoopy would now sleep in my room I would be the one who took him out for walks And I fed him slices of lunch meat. What was great was that when I would go into the kitchen and Hunter would be watching TV he would call for Snoopy. Hunter:”Snoopy! Snoops! SSNNOOPPSS!” But he wouldn’t come This dog would follow me everywhere! And then one day Hunter said: “Hey do you just wanna HAVE Snoopy?” “I was gonna get rid of him.” And then I said I would take him! And then later that same week… Hunter moved out. He took all the toilet paper too. He basically gave me a dog! Of course I loved that dog… But we lived in such a small space and I was always busy with school and drawing, I knew these weren’t the best conditions for a dog to live in, and I’m pretty sure my apartment didn’t even allow pets So I asked people I knew if they wanted Snoopy My grandma got one of her friends to take care of him I dropped Snoopy off and I’ve never seen him since And that’s it. The End. There was another roommate who I didn’t even mention He always worked a lot so I didn’t really see him too much He had an electrical toothbrush I think since I was already mad at my roommates When I’d be tryna go to sleep And he would start brushing his teeth I would hear the electrical toothbrush going eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh And I would just start shaking with anger Like: [Heavy breathing] Just use a NORMAL TOOTHBRUSH DDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUU Also I wanna thank you all for a million subscribers, I mean, as I’m recording this, I don’t have a million just yet but hey, when this comes out, maybe I’ll have a million who knows? I’m counting my chickens before they hatch, there could be another Youtube purge But the next will probably be the million one so cool ‘kay thanks for watching, wear your seat-belts unless you’re my roommates. Hi Snooooopppppyyyyy, m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m-m. His name’s Snoopy.