Jordan Peterson – The Psychology behind getting cheated on

unknown unknown well I’m not unknown unknowns leap at you from places that you wouldn’t expect because otherwise you would have plan for the damn thing so there are the things that are always like poking their beak up at you when you least expect it they’re just like say serpents in the Garden of Eden that might be one way of thinking about it you can’t keep the damn snakes out of the garden and that’s because you can’t make a bounded area and keep the complexity out of it the complexity always sneaks back in try protecting your children from the internet for example you can’t make a bounded circumstance and get rid of all the complexity it always comes sneaking back in so what would be an unknown unknown this is a good one here you have an intimate relationship you’ve had it for 10 years you trust your partner so what does that mean you know where you are you know who you are and you have a pretty good idea of where you’re going and then one day you’ll find out that your partner has been cheating on you not with one person but with three people and for the whole ten years well hypothetically that comes as a shock although you may have ignored many informations that such might be the case irrelevant let’s say it comes as a shock well what happens to you while you don’t know where you are you don’t know where you’ve been that’s interesting a because you think you know where you’ve been because you’ve already been there but all of a sudden something can happen so that you are so flipped over that you don’t even know where you were so that means in some sense the past is dependent on the present a very peculiar thing you also have no idea where you’re going in terms of not knowing where you are that’s D say because you might think well I you know I thought it was in a marriage that turns out to be wrong I thought I knew who my wife her husband was that turns out to be wrong I concluded on the basis that I knew my wife that I knew something about women that turned out to be wrong I thought I was in a relationship with someone I could trust that is wrong I don’t know enough about trust I’m obviously too gullible and so what that does is throw virtually everything that ever had to me in severe doubt right that’s the emergence of chaos and that this sometimes you’re going from point A to point B and something you don’t expect manifests itself in the middle of your plant but it’s not such a catastrophe because you can just work around it and then sometimes something pops up and like you just do not have a plan anymore and so then you might ask yourself just exactly where you are you when you don’t know where you are and I would say that’s a place and it’s actually a place that’s well documented in classic religious and mythological stories that’s chaos the Taoist for example they believe that the world is made out of chaos and order order that’s where you are with what you do get you what you want chaos that’s where you are when you have no idea what’s going on and you might ask well is there a way that you should act when you’re in chaos and the answer to that is there better be because it’s a place you’re going to visit several times during your life and everyone visits that that’s why it’s an archetypal story that’s the descent to the underground the underground is that horrible place that lurks underneath all of our presuppositions it’s the frigid lake underneath the thin ice that everybody’s skating on and it’s something that can manifest itself at any moment that’s partly why in the taoist symbol the black paisley is chaos by the way in the white paisley is ordered in the order Paisley there’s a little black dog well that’s because order can turn into chaos and does at any moment and the reverse is also true chaos center needs order at any moment an insight will do that for you you know alcoholics report that when they hit bought it looks like there’s a catalysis and they look at the world in a different way you know now they’re a new person they’re back from the underground they’ve risen from the dead so to speak you know and it’s partly because what looks like your right hemisphere is pretty good at inferring patterns in in in novel and chaotic places it’s trying to keeping track of things that happen to you that are anomalous and it makes alternative maps of the world that are for you to rely on at least to some degree if that ever becomes necessary