Erin Weed: “Authenticity: Leading and Speaking with Your Head, Heart and Core” | Talks at Google

[MUSIC PLAYING] ALISON: I have the great
pleasure of introducing Erin. Erin Weed is the founder of
Girls Fight Back, a women’s safety education company. After teaching live
self-defense seminars to over one million
people worldwide, she sold Girls
Fight Back in 2013. And since then,
she’s been working as a speaker, an author, and a
communications strategist who helps people seek their
purpose and speak their truth. This past fall, she
spoke at TEDxBoulder, which is actually how
our Women [INAUDIBLE] Committee found Erin. We were scouring
the TEDxBoulder site and all the different videos. And we were all
blown away by Erin so we’re really, really
excited to have you in the room today, Erin. She’s going to talk
to us today and what she talked to
TEDxBoulder about how to connect with
one another, right, connecting authentically. And that is one of
the primary things we brought her in here today. She’s about to do that
with us and kind of help us speak more authentically. With that, please help
me welcome Erin Weed. [APPLAUSE] ERIN WEED: Hello, everyone. I’m so happy to be here. Are we projecting? Is this good? OK. All right. You can magically
make it happen. We’re Google, right? Isn’t that what you do here? You magically make
things happen. But my name is Erin Weed. I’m really excited to be here
on International Women’s Day. This is a big day, a
big deal for all of us. I’ve spent a good amount
of my career working in the women’s industry–
realm, if you want to call it. And it’s a place that
I feel very at home at, but I also feel like
really inspired that I saw a few men in the room. I think that’s really important. We’ve got to be super
inclusive, and this is so much bigger than women. We’re only half the world. There’s another
half, and we’ve got to bring the whole thing in. And one of the things we’re
going to talk about today is how to seek our purpose
and speak our truth. And one of the
reasons that I feel so passionately about this topic
is because of women’s issues. If we don’t know what’s
real inside of us and if we don’t know how
to show up and communicate in a strong, powerful, and
clear way that doesn’t alienate and terrify people,
then how can we ever expect to make progress? So that’s one of the
reasons that I am here today is to share with you a tool– because I don’t want to stand
up here and talk and keynote the whole time. I want to just give you a
little bit of background and explain some concepts. But then we’re going to do
an exercise where you all are going to learn how to
show up more authentically in your conversations. This is beneficial when it comes
to your personal life obviously but even in business as well. So I’m going to show
that to you today. But first, I wanted to give you
a little background on things. I actually wanted to kick off
by sharing with you this really weird dream I had recently. We all have weird dreams. I don’t know if
mine are weirder, but I had this weird dream. It was just a few weeks ago. And I feel the need
to share it with you because it felt like
one of those dreams– it’s so simple and so clear. Yet you wake up in the morning,
you’re like, what was that? And then later on,
you’re like, duh, it was like almost
so spelled out that I couldn’t get
my head around it. So here’s the dream. So I’m in this room, and
it’s like a full white room. And I am a glowing egg,
like a little ball, like that’s all I am, right. And I look around in the
rest of this white room, and there’s a bunch of glowing
eggs, and that’s all we are. But I can tell, even by looking
at all these little glowing marble-looking things,
we’re all different. Now the only exit point
from this weird white room is this amazing
slide that you would find at like a
McDonaldland sort of deal. It’s like crazy
colors, woo, you know, there’s like a real
party feel to it. So one by one, each of
these glowing little orbs would go up to the
entry of the slide, and a word would be thrown at
them like freedom or abundance or love. And they’d be like, OK, got
it, and they’d go, “Wee,” and they’d like go
down, down, down, down. And this “wee” went on forever. And finally, it was my turn,
and I got the word authentic. And I was, like, “Wee.” And on the way down, I
remember thinking, wow, this is going to be
intense because to show up authentically can
be a challenge. And what I later
learned about this dream was that all of us–
these little glowing orbs, like maybe this is some weird
explanation of what life is, is that we come
into these bodies. And we get this one shot to
show up in a particular way, to learn something, to teach
something, to be a certain way. And maybe it’s as
simple as just one word. So mine being
authentic, I’m here today to talk to
you just about that. And I wanted to kick
it off with a quote– and forgive me in
advance if I trip. It’s probably a 100% likelihood. I’m no ballerina. But I wanted to kick off
with a quote from Carl Jung, a famous psychologist. He said, “The
privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” “The privilege of a lifetime is
to become who you truly are.” It really is a privilege. And on this International
Women’s Day, I just want to
take a quick moment to honor the fact that
we have the privilege to do the kind of introspection
to show up authentically. Because when you’re
in a war zone, when you’re wondering how
you’re going to feed your kids, when you’re living in
extreme poverty or terror or even if you’re in
our world, our paradigm, and you’re afraid to
go to work, or you’re afraid to come home from
work– if there’s something in your life that’s not
giving you the privilege to show up authentically, then
how can you possibly expect to? So we do have great
privilege living in this time and in this place. One of the things that I’ve
noticed about Western women is that sometimes that
comes a little shame with that or guilt of like,
uh, how could I even be upset about that meeting
that just went horribly when I know that someone’s
getting bombed halfway across the world, right. I think it’s our
responsibility, though. It’s our responsibility to own
that privilege and to rock it. Because what I’ve learned
about authenticity, and when we show up,
it’s like a ripple that creates this energetic
force field around the world to help other people
show up for real as well. So today let’s do the
work for the women who can’t do the work
themselves and let’s really affect the world
by creating that ripple so that other people can
show up that way, too. So “the privilege of a lifetime
is to become who we truly are,” and we’ll come back to that. But I wanted to give you a
little background about me and how I got to this point. I believe in connection. I believe in connection
of ourselves and ideas to other people. And when we can make
those connections, that’s when we truly
change the world. A woman named Susan
Pinker gave a TEDx talk. And her talk– she’s
a psychologist– her talk was all
about how connection is one of the number one things
that can lengthen our life. Like if you want to know
how to live to over 100, it comes down to
the connections. Now you might think,
oh, it’s about diet. It’s about exercise. It’s actually not. Those are pretty
low on the list. The top two are social
integration and close relationships. And she did a whole Ted Talk
on this, and it was amazing. But I believe that it’s
even more than that. It’s not just having
a close relationship. It’s having an authentic
close relationship. So how do we show
up in that way? So I learned how to
do this back in 2001. I had just graduated
from college. I grew up in Chicago, went to
Eastern Illinois University. And all I could think about,
being in that little farm town, was getting the
heck out of there and moving to the Big Apple. So I moved to New York
City, no money in my pocket, no job, the whole deal. They make sitcoms about
this all the time, right, the girl from the farm town
who goes to the big city. That was me. So I moved to New York,
and all I wanted to do was get a job in
television production. I’ve always been a storyteller. I was a speech
communications major. No one actually gives
speeches for a living that do that major so a funny irony. But I really wanted
to tell stories, and I wanted to
tell real stories. So I wanted to work in
documentary production so I moved out there. And for a year, I was
working on all sorts of documentaries for History
Channel, MSNBC, really riveting stuff. Now also the other
side– if anybody’s ever worked in production, it’s
not a very well-paid field, and so a lot of people
have side hustles. So one of my side hustles
was working as an extra in reality television. [LAUGHTER] Just let that sink
in for a minute. Working as an extra
in reality television, being paid to make
reality TV seem more real. And that was an interesting
petri dish of what is real and what is not real. And what I learned is that there
was a lot of inauthenticity in our world. I was kind of
shocked at the time at just how much there was. But I remember, through that
experience, thinking to myself, we have got to
show up more real, and it’s a choice how
real do you want to be. And we have that choice
every single day. So I bopped back and forth
between making documentaries during the daytime
and working as, like– OK, let me just tell
you exactly what I’d do. So I worked for the show
called, “ElimiDate.” It is as classy as it sounds if
you haven’t seen the late night reruns on Bravo. So “ElimiDate,” it’s one person. They go on a date with four
people of the opposite sex. And throughout the night,
all these four people get “elimidated” until
there’s one person left, and then you like ride off
into the sunset together. And usually in the midst
of it, there’s fighting. There’s drunkenness. There’s belligerence. It’s– it’s insane. Anyway it taught me a lot about
that question of like how real do you want to be by simply
observing people who are showing up as so inauthentic. But the thing is about New
York, I had such a great time. Whether it was making
movies or making crappy TV, I was just having a
blast in this experience. So I was doing that
for about a year when I got a phone call that one
of my best friends from back where I went to college at
Eastern Illinois University, named Shannon McNamara, had
been murdered while fighting off an attacker in her apartment. This was one of those
game-changing moments where it kind of reminds me
almost of “The Matrix,” when Neo is given the choice
between the two pills. And he has the choice to
go to the real world, which is kind of darker and gritty
and intense and scary and uncertain, or live
in the program, which is light and orderly and very
sensical and predictable and safe. And in that moment of
getting the news that Shannon had been killed,
I was like, wow, like there’s this whole
underbelly of the world. I mean, I’m almost embarrassed
to like that point in my life, I really hadn’t gone
through anything bad. I really was one of
those people that had had kind of a sheltered existence. And so I remember getting that
news and just the whole world shifting and seeing it in
a different perspective. And I went home for the
wake and the funeral. Well, that first
night, I decided to have a campfire in
my parent’s backyard and pull together
all of our friends. Because when something
really bad happens, I feel one of the most
healing things we can do is share our perspective on
what did happen, to speak up, to speak our truth. And so I had this
bonfire, and most of the people in
attendance that night were me and Shannon’s
sorority sisters. And so we’re sitting around. We’re all, you know, in the ages
of, let’s say, like 19 to 22 for the most part. And for the first few hours,
we’re talking about Shannon. We’re talking about who
could have done this because, at that point,
the guy who murdered her had not been caught. So it was just a super
intense time around that. But I noticed, as the
evening progressed, we stopped talking
specifically about Shannon, and we started talking
about our own experiences as women in regards
to safety and fear. And I started hearing some of
my best friends in the world– educated, strong, smart,
bold, beautiful women– say things like, you know what,
after what happened to Shannon, I don’t want to take that
internship at the hospital in downtown Chicago because it
just probably isn’t safe to be walking to my car at night. Or after what has
happened to Shannon, I’ve learned that, you
know, this guy I’m dating, we’ve been talking about
moving in together. And I was thinking about
breaking up with him. I don’t think he’s my guy,
but I might as well just move in with them because
it’s probably safer to not sleep alone at night. Then another friend saying,
I had this whole trip planned to backpack Europe solo. And all of a sudden,
after this has occurred, it just feels like a really
radically unsafe thing to do. This went on for
hours, hours of us strong, empowered, bold,
educated women talking about all the things
we weren’t going to do because fundamentally
we were afraid. And I remember just
listening that whole night and really taking it all in
and realizing the injustice– not just of violence but
of the fact that we weren’t able to be who we truly are
because fundamentally we were afraid to be. And that seemed like the bigger
injustice in the two things in that moment. Because I thought
to myself, what would Shannon be upset about? She’d be pissed about that. She’d be upset that we
weren’t taking the trips, and we weren’t being
with the right people, and we weren’t taking the jobs
that were going to fill us up. That’s what she’d
be upset about. And so that was the
first time that I started to realize the power
of speaking truth, especially in a healing
situation like that. Well, the next day was the wake. And it’s one of these wakes
when someone young dies, I mean, they’re just huge, right,
just hundreds of people. She was a very loved person,
an All-American athlete, very popular woman. And so we’re waiting for hours
to get to the front of the wake and to pay our respects
and to meet her family. And so in these hours,
I had a lot of time to think about
what had occurred. And by the time we
got to the front, I’d been thinking
about, well, what are you going to say
in those situations? Like how do you
speak your truth when it’s almost like the
unspeakable has happened? How does that work? And so I had to kind of
surrender at that moment when we got up to the front
to just be, like, all right, well, whatever’s going to
come out is going to come out. And I’m just going to have
to be at peace with that, but I’m just going to have to be
real in the awfulness of this. Well, before I met her family,
I kneel in front of her casket, and I just remember thinking,
this feels so unsolvable. This feels so permanent
and unfixable. But then I also had
a moment where I was, like, I don’t think people
who have passed in the way that she did would want us
to stay paralyzed in that. I think that we
don’t have to put a period at the end of
those kinds of stories when those injustices happen,
but we need to put a comma. And we need to keep
speaking for them because they can’t
speak for themselves. And so I get up, and
I meet her family. Now you know when
you go to college, and you have these like
super tight friends that are– they’re
like your family, but you never know where they
came from because you’re not hanging out with their family. They’re far away. So I’d never met her mom,
Cindy, but I had always heard so much about
her, and she apparently had heard so much about me
because I introduce her. I’m like, hi, I’m Erin Weed. I’m so sorry about
what’s happened. And she just like cuts me off. She’s like, oh, you’re Weed. It’s like, hey, man, when you’ve
got a last name like Weed, you’ve got to like just
own that, you know. So in college, I was Weed. By the way, I’m totally
running for governor someday, like governor of
Colorado, um, come on. [LAUGHTER] Get all the trustafarians
on Pearl Street to be my campaign managers. It’ll be awesome, you know. So Cindy’s like, oh,
my gosh, you’re Weed. And it’s like, oh, yeah,
this is kind of weird, OK. We’re just having this
moment, and we’re laughing. And she goes– she
just grabs my hand. We have this instant connection. She said to me, you
know what, Weed? It’s so crazy. But even after the
worst thing that has happened, the
losing a child– I don’t know that there’s
too many more worse things that can happen in a human
existence– she said, you know, there’s
something worse. And I was like,
what could possibly be worse than what has
occurred, like this moment? What could possibly be worse? She’s like, what’s worse
is that I’m so afraid that the world is going
to forget about her. I’m so afraid that everyone’s
going to forget her name. And I remember in
that moment, just being like, wow, just the moment
of that sinking in, of that– how we can have levels of fear. And how her bigger
fear in that moment was just the forgetting of
people not hearing about her anymore. And I think a lot of us have had
that fear, maybe for ourselves. If you’ve ever been faced
with your own mortality or the mortality of a loved
one, what if people forget? And I remember in that moment
as a 22-year-old woman, just being like,
you know what, that is one thing I know how to do
because I have a big mouth. And I can make sure– I can’t solve violence. I can’t end murder,
but I know how to talk, and I can get other people to
talk and speak their truth. And so I kind of
walked away from that, realizing the power of speaking
truth transcends death. It transcends tragedy, and
all of those different things. What I ended up doing, with
the help of many, many people– a great community,
is starting a company called Girls Fight Back. And what we did
was women’s safety and self-defense seminars. We mostly went into high
schools and colleges all across the world. In addition to
the United States, we also expanded into
India and Pakistan. And we localized the content
so that it was specific to their culture and to the
safety risks that they faced. And in addition to all that,
we were doing the radio shows and the TV shows, and I wrote
a book and a magazine column for “CosmoGirl,”
and it was amazing. It was just such an
incredible program. But at some point– there came this
point about 12 years in in that period of time,
I’d had two children. A lot of things had shifted. And there came
this point where I realized it was no
longer my story to tell. It felt like it was almost this
old story, not like it wasn’t significant, but almost
like I had crossed the bridge from pain to peace. And I noticed that a lot of
times in the victim world– it doesn’t matter what
one is a victim of– sometimes people can
get stuck in the story, and that prevents us
from being in our truth. And I started to give
myself permission to let that story not need to be
the center of my being anymore and to just let it go
and to let it dissipate. So as I started doing that,
it was very kind of painful because sometimes we can be
identified by our stories. It’s almost like this egoic
attachment that we have. Well, I’m the woman
that NBC calls when something bad
happens, and I’m there to be able to show up and
offer safety strategies, and that’s who I am. Or is it? And so it started to
kind of slip away, and the identity
started to slip away. And so I ended up
selling the company because I knew that it
was time for someone else to tell that story and
their version of it. And I had a bit of
an identity crisis because, at that moment, I’m
like, well, who am I now, you know, if I’m not
the ass-kicking girl? Because by the way, I’m one of
the most highly trained women in the world in ass-kicking. [LAUGHTER] Like, I’m really fun at
parties, like just– ah. So it’s a really handy skill
that you can do nothing with, right. So I found myself in a little
bit of a crisis of sorts. It wasn’t midlife, but
definitely a crisis. I started thinking
about what I’d learned about seeking
purpose and speaking truth, and how can I show
up in a new way and do both of those things. I started working for TED
and TEDx and TEDxBoulder, started coaching for them,
developed their speaker coaching program,
also TEDxMileHigh. And I was just so excited about
this idea of really distilling down our truth into like
the 10 to 18 minutes, turning it into a story
that can really captivate, and then affecting
audiences by it, I start like doing the
speaker coaching thing. But I realized that
there’s so much more to it. When you get somebody
that’s like a TED speaker, and they’re
brilliant, and they’ve got these amazing ideas, and
they’ve done these epic things, and they come in, I
was thinking to myself, I don’t want to just
make them shiny. I want them to seek their truth
and share that with the masses because that’s going to
be so much more powerful. So I came up with this
thing called The Dig, which I’m going to share
with you today, at least a little snippet
of it, because these people needed to understand their
purpose and their why and their drive
behind it if they were going to really
be able to show up and communicate authentically. But I feel like speaking
truth not only affects us in the personal but also
in the business world. Shortly after I sold
Girls Fight Back and started working
for TED, there was also kind of a personal
churning that was happening. I was starting to realize
that the marriage I was in was not a good marriage. It was– he’s not a bad person. But it was really built on some
pretty inauthentic foundations. And this was rough because not
only had I lost my Girls Fight Back identity at that
point, my other identity was being a married
mom of two kids. And I started getting really
shaken at the idea of, like, I don’t think I’m
supposed to be here anymore. I don’t come from a
family of divorce. I actually used to hold a
lot of judgment around it. And I remember being in
that moment of being, like, oh, man, this
is going to be so bad, but this is what
I have to do to be real is to leave this marriage
that was not healthy, probably for either one of us. So it was very painful. But I started to go through
the process of moving. Now when I put my
house on the market– at the time we had been
living in Broomfield– and I put my house on
the market and, like, how do you find a realtor? Well, apparently I find it
by like the grocery carts. You know those realtors? Like, what a bizarre
place to like put an ad, like where
your baby’s butt sits, like, all day, whatever. It worked for me apparently. So this guy looked friendly, so
I was like, hey, I’ll call him. So I called him. I think his name
was John, I forget. But he comes over, and
it’s like him and his wife. And they’re like
this dynamic duo, and they’ve got their
whole system down. And they’re like, OK, what do
you want to sell the house for, and how many bedrooms
does it have? And does it have a basement? Is it finished? And what’s the garage like? So they were, like,
had it locked down. It was tight. Like from a business
perspective, how they showed up was like completely solid. But never once did they ask
why I was selling my house. They had no idea what
was going on personally. They were so in their
heads about the facts of what was occurring and
how they could help me in that sense that they
weren’t really looking at the bigger
experience of what does it mean to let go of your home. And that was OK
because their job was to sell my house, right. Well, they did a good job. Within one day,
my house was sold, and it was sold to
someone with a cash offer. Now a few weeks
after that happened, everything was like done. I’m moving to Boulder. I’m moving forward. Somebody asked me, hey, what’s
the name of your realtor because I want to
sell my house, and you sold quick and everything. For the life of me, you
guys, I could not remember. I could not remember
these people’s names, and I still do– I still don’t know. I mean, I called the
dude John because that’s like statistically a good
likelihood, but I mean, I didn’t know, and
I think the reason is because there was no
connection beyond just the facts and what was
going on in the head. Now on the flip side, as
I was starting to move, I was looking for movers. There were no ads on
grocery carts for that so I had to do a
little more digging– a little more yelping. I found this random
company, and I hired them. And this duo of
dudes were amazing and one specifically,
his name was Frederick. And he was this super
charismatic guy, who loved his job. He used to work in tech. And I remember asking him,
like, hey, Frederick– kind of doing the whole business
professional meeting someone thing– and how do you do what you
do and how did you get here? He’s like, I used
to work in tech. But I wanted to be a mover. I wanted to haul stuff. And he’s like, not only
do I want to haul stuff, I want to move people. And I’m like, oh, this
is exciting, you know. And he probably read the look
on my face of being like, what? And he’s like, yeah,
we’re going to move you, but I’m going to “mooove” you. And I’m like, OK. I sort of like feel the need
to “mooove” while he talks. And so he was like,
do you feel me? You know what I’m talking about? I’m going to “mooove” you,
and I was like, not really. He’s like– he’s like, why
are you selling your house? And I was like, I’m
selling my house because I’m getting divorced. Why are you getting divorced? Whoa! Going there, bam, you know. And in that moment,
though, I was like, wow, that’s so appropriate. That is so appropriate because
he was being real and curious. There was no judgment
in that question. He was just
legitimately curious, like, oh, you’re moving because
you’re getting divorced. Why? What happened? So you know, I actually told
him a few things, whatever. And, uh, he’s like,
all right, all right. It’s time to
“mooove” you forward. This is not a house. This is your life,
and we’re moving you. You know, like, he was giving
me this sermon in my kitchen. And I started realizing, oh,
my gosh, this is a mover. His only job is
to move my stuff. And yet his why, his authentic
meaning for what he does is that he wants
to “mooove” people. He wants to like take
them from this phase and get them into the
next phase of their life. He was able to see that
this wasn’t about a moving truck and strong muscles. This was about helping
people make hard transitions. And because he did
that, two weeks later, when somebody asked me for
a recommendation on a mover, I’m like, oh, my god. You gotta call Frederick. Here’s his cell phone number. We just texted the other day. [INAUDIBLE] [LAUGHTER] So I feel like we can
learn a lot in business, in addition to our
personal lives, if we’re willing to show up more
than just in our head and in our thoughts and just
the transactions, where we’re actually able to
get with each other and connect on the heart
level and the core level of, like, what do you want. How can we get you
where you want to go? We can feel that. And so that’s what I want
to share with you guys today and actually give you the
experience of how to do that. And the way we’re going to
do that is this exercise. This is part of The Dig. I call it Head Heart Core. And the difference between
mysterious John, the realtor, and awesome
Frederick, the mover, was that Frederick showed
up from all three places. He was willing to connect
with me on the facts. He was willing to connect
with me on the feelings. And he was willing to connect
with me on the desires, and he was willing
to hold all of it. And I think we can all
show up in this way. This is how we be authentic is
communicating the facts, yes, and the feelings, yes,
and the desires, yes. But we do it, not just from
a place of transparency, but from authenticity. Now I gave a TEDxBoulder
talk just this past fall, and it was on that topic. What’s the difference between
being transparent and being authentic? My opinion is that it’s showing
up in all three of these, from the head, the
heart, and the core. Have you ever met
somebody who is just one of these people
that just spouts off anything in a moment, and they’re like
super proud of how authentic they are? Even when they’re hurting
people and making people cry? I actually don’t think
that’s authentic. That’s wounded
transparency, and those are totally different things. Just because you have no filter
doesn’t make you a real person. It makes you a wounded person
who’s not doing the work to find out what’s really true. Because the reality
about authenticity is that, if we go and
communicate about what we feel about something from the
head, the heart, and the core, it usually ends in
a very soft place. It doesn’t usually end in
like poisonous vitriol. OK. Our truth, I believe for
most people, is a kind truth. It is a peaceful truth. It is one who wants best for
self but best for others. So today what I want to do is
take you through the head heart core exercise. This is something
that I developed as I started working
with these TED people from all over the world,
who were trying to show up like the realtor,
but really they had to show up like the mover. They were trying
to show up and just talk about their new
scientific innovation, and they just
wanted to stay here. But they needed
to drop down here about what they felt about it
and what they believe for it– what they desired for it. And that is what really started
my new company because that was the thing that was working. So people fly all over the world
to work with me on their TED talks, but what
they’re really getting is a better
self-understanding about what their truth is and
permission to actually share that with people. And guess what? On the other side
of that, people are so excited because
now you have given them permission to show
up in that way, too, and that’s the ripple
I’m talking about. So let’s talk about the head,
the heart, and the core. The head is feeling– or I’m
sorry, the head is thoughts. It is things that we think. It is things that are
undisputedly true, things like your age, if you have
a dog, where you’re from, where you went to college. These are our head facts. They are things that
are indisputable. The next part is the heart. These are feelings. This is what’s true for you
emotionally in that moment. The thing about
being in the heart is that it’s
changing constantly. What’s true for you
emotionally 10 minutes ago could be true for– could be totally different
than what’s true for you 10 minutes from now. So part of the trick
about being in the heart and why so much of our culture
doesn’t stay here or go here even is because it
requires presence. It requires us to
actually stop– [INHALES] [EXHALES] –and breathe and feel
for a second to even know what’s happening there. So we have a lot
of unconsciousness happening in our
culture because we’re just not dialed into that. And then finally the
core is I desire. It’s what we want. Now especially women, we’re kind
of trained to keep that under wraps a bit, like no one wants
to hear a woman walking around, telling about what she’s– talking about what she desires–
what she wants in the world. She sounds demanding. Well, guess what, when we do
this part of the exercise, what you’re probably going
to notice in the room is when you get a
room full of people who are showing up and
talking about what they want, there’s this energy
of, like, yeah! Yeah! You know, like,
because what you want is probably very similar
to what other people want. And, like, can’t we all please
just give each other permission to say what we want? It’s so freeing for everyone
and even in relationships even. Have you ever been in a
relationship with somebody where they’re like mad at you. You can’t figure out why. And they won’t tell
you what they want, but you’re trying
to figure it out. I mean, like, that is a
losing battle for everyone. But if they just
say it, even if it means the relationship
is over, it’s such a relief because you’re
finally in the truth of it. So what I’d love to
do is just not just explain this but actually give
you guys an experience of what does it mean to be in the
head, heart, and core. And like I said, I developed
this for TED speakers because this is the ingredient–
for any of you who do public speaking– this is how you speak. You find the balance of I
think, I feel, and I want. If you can find the balance
of those three things– and for every speech,
it’s different depending on the
intention of the outcome. But if you can
find that balance, that’s how people
are going to get the most full authentic
expression of you. And on the other side of that
is where the connection occurs. So it happens in
one-to-one situations, one-to-some settings
if you’re leading a team, or one-to-many,
like giving a talk or even getting a webinar. So head, heart, core,
it’s like a recipe. So I was wondering if I
could get maybe three brave volunteers to come up here and
help me out with an exercise. It’s going to require speaking
from the head, heart, and core. AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE] ERIN WEED: Yeah, give
a round of applause. [APPLAUSE] We’ve got another one here. All right. We need one more. All right, OK. Round of applause. [APPLAUSE] All right. Why don’t we shift you
guys over here a bit. OK. So first of all,
thank you guys so much for showing up for this. It can be kind of a
brave and scary thing to intentionally
speak your truth. And what I want to
do before we begin is almost put a little
bubble around this room. You know, for all of you
up there, for all of you down here, for all of us
on stage, just kind of imagine we have a bubble
of safety for a moment. I know even before
I came on stage, your first session
was some people were sharing some really
amazing powerful stories. So let’s kind of like
reclaim that energy of safety because we’ve got to have safety
to show up and speak our truth. So this exercise,
what we’re going to do is we’re going to simply
introduce ourselves. So I’m going to model it,
then our three friends up here are each going to
do their custom piece of what I’ve modeled
and introduce themselves. And then we’re going to
have you guys pair up, and you guys are going to
do this with a partner. So I want you to experience
it as well as learn it. So what we’re going
to do basically is introduce ourselves three
times, first from the head, then from the heart,
then from the core. Now you might be thinking,
well, that’s a bit repetitive, and it’s actually not. Because introducing ourselves
from these three places is a totally
different experience. And what I’d like
for you to notice as we’re doing this exercise
is how it is in your body and what comes
out of your mouth. There’s only one
rule in all this. Outside of just
confidentiality and safety– can we all agree to that? OK. So outside of
that, the only rule is that you can’t rehearse
while other people are talking. [LAUGHTER] People always laugh at
that because it’s true because that’s what
we’re all doing. Even the most present, amazing
person, we’re all rehearsing. Some of us are better
at it than others so it’s just less
obvious, but we’re all doing it all the time. Now let’s think about
it for a moment. What are the repercussions
of a whole world where everyone is rehearsing
while other people are talking? AUDIENCE: We’re not listening. ERIN WEED: We’re not listening. But even worse, on the
other side of that, we’re not connecting. That thing that’s like
a survival deal, that can actually increase
our lifespan, we’re not getting
that, and we have a very lonely separate
world right now, despite being how
connected we are. So we need to start
with being present. And in order to do
that, we need to trust that if we show up presently
from the head, heart, or core, whatever’s going
to come out is perfect. And it’s probably going to
be 10 times better than what you rehearsed, and I’ve
seen this firsthand, OK. So while we’re all
not rehearsing, I’m going to kick this off. Now can I have a timer? Is someone good with the phone? OK, cool, Jess. Sometimes I try to do it, and
I screw up the whole thing. All right. I get like so into
it, and then– OK, can you do like 60 seconds? So there is a time component. The reason is, I’m
a hyper distiller. I don’t think we need
a ton of time and space to do some of things
we think that we need. Things like getting
to your truth, people are, like, whoa,
that sounds heavy and long. Not really. Want to know how I know this? Because I a five-year-old. She gets to her
truth really fast. Right now, she’s in a phase
where she’s not wearing shoes. Everybody knows about it. It’s very clear. I’m not going to wear
shoes today, Mom. OK. All right. She’s very clear. That’s speaking from the core. I will not wear shoes. But it doesn’t take a long
time to get to your truth. What does take a long time is
to filter out all the stuff that we have that
stopped us from having permission for ourselves
to speak our truth. That’s a totally different thing
that we all have as adults. But this process will
help us take it through. So with one minute
on the clock, I’m going to introduce
myself from my head, facts only, completely
unrehearsed. What you’re probably going
to notice within yourself and maybe watching other
people is that some of us are really good in the head. Some of us are really
good in the heart. Some of us are really
good in the core. Most of us are not
good at all three, or I shouldn’t say not good. It’s just not comfortable. It’s not like you’re
go-to, and that’s OK. I’m not here to teach you
how to be better at it. I’m just here to teach you
how to bring consciousness to when you’re in which
space for better, for worse. So one minute, all right,
Jess, let’s do this thing. Ah, OK. Facts only, if I say a
feeling, you kind of go, eh. Totally non-abrasive. All right, so facts only. My name is Erin Weed. My middle name is Underwood. I was made fun of a lot for my
weird name through growing up. Graduation ceremonies were
kind of the biggest part. Erin Underwood Weed, and
everyone would laugh. I don’t think it’s that
funny but whatever. I am from Chicago, lived
in New York after that, have started a few companies. I have two children,
ages eight and five. We live in Boulder,
just moved last week. Thought I would make
it more interesting and adopt a puppy this weekend. So far that’s proven to be
intellectually factually true. It’s more interesting. I am learning to
play the ukulele. AUDIENCE: Eh. ERIN WEED: OK, thank you. So there are my facts. So now– um, you also notice
I kept my head on my– my hand on my head the whole time. You’re probably wondering
why I was doing that. Here’s why. This exercise is about
teaching conscious awareness about when you’re in your head,
your heart, and your core. The reason I’m doing that is
so that you can have the power to shift out of your
head, heart, or core and into a different place
in your communications. So for this exercise,
we’re all going to put our hands where we’re
speaking from so that we can start learning where we are. Make sense? Like kinesthetic
learning, OK, cool. So hand on your
head, one minute, facts only about who you are. LISA: Hi, I’m Lisa [INAUDIBLE]. I moved to Denver
recently from New York and from– we moved to
New York from Seattle, so that’s where I
originally come from. And I got engaged in October,
and we have a small dog. His name is Connor. The small dog’s name is Dobbie. [LAUGHTER] We call him our son. He’ll be a junior
senator some day. [LAUGHTER] My fiance Connor just got a
job, and I am switching teams to [? payments, ?] and I am
going to take 30 days off in between to [INAUDIBLE]. How much time do I have left? [LAUGHTER] I do a little bit
of weightlifting. [LAUGHTER] AUDIENCE: Woo! ERIN WEED: Great job. OK. LESLIE PACE: Hi, my
name is Leslie Pace. I am a Colorado native. However, I was born in Oklahoma. I moved here when I was six. I grew up in Aurora, Colorado,
and went to [INAUDIBLE] High School out that way,
if anybody is familiar, probably not. Then I graduated from there
and went to the illustrious Howard University in
Washington, DC, where I studied Computer Information
Systems with a minor in Information Assurance. And I also learned how to
juggle my men very well. [LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] I, then from there,
left DC and came back home. I was managing
restaurants in DC, and my dad was, like, we
paid for you to go and manage restaurants? And so I said no
and I came home. And I started working at a
startup called Zen Planner in [INAUDIBLE] and they
do information systems for fitness businesses,
and I got my [INAUDIBLE].. ERIN WEED: All right, thank you. [APPLAUSE] PAIGE: My name is Paige
Jessica [INAUDIBLE],, and my name never fit
on Scantrons growing up. [LAUGHTER] And I’m an admin in gTech. I’ve been at Google
for eight years. I started out as a TBC
and became a FTE in 2011. I just recently, in August,
moved from California to Colorado. And aside from a one-year
stint in Germany, it’s the only time I’ve
lived outside of California, but I’m really
excited that I left. I got my degree in German
and International Relations. I live with my boyfriend
Noah and our two dogs, Budget and Bogart. [LAUGHTER] I love to– ERIN WEED: You can’t
love it, but you can– PAIGE: Yep, I am outside a lot. [LAUGHTER] And I’m going on a
cruise next week. ERIN WEED: All
right, good stuff. [APPLAUSE] OK. So now it’s your turn. I’d love you to find a partner
and one minute for each of you. I’ll tell you when
the minute’s up. So remember hand on the head,
facts only, ready and break. 30 seconds to find a partner. If you need a partner– [INTERPOSING VOICES] OK, so what did you all notice
about speaking from the head? Just holler it out. [INTERPOSING VOICES] It’s hard to not
say things you like. Yeah, what else did you learn? AUDIENCE: You run out of facts. ERIN WEED: You ran out of facts. OK. AUDIENCE: I ran out of time. ERIN WEED: Ran out of time. [LAUGHTER] She’s like, I could
have kept going. We’ve got a head
person right here. AUDIENCE: It was hard
to disconnect emotion from facts at times. ERIN WEED: OK, great. AUDIENCE: The stuff they
said was pretty interesting. [LAUGHTER] ERIN WEED: You’re like,
I’m a totally lame person. What a tough discovery
at a workshop, you know. Well, the great
thing about head– like this is by no means–
the punch line is not, like, don’t stay in your head–
don’t like go to your head. Like, that’s not the punch line. The punch line is don’t
live in your head, OK. And that’s what a
lot of our culture does is we live in our head. Like networking
events, great example. You go to a networking event. What are the two
questions people ask you? AUDIENCE: What do you do? ERIN WEED: Where are you from? And what do you do? Right, over and
over and over again. And it’s– what it leads
to is just this culture of disconnection because that’s
like where we’re starting. Now I don’t have a problem
with starting there, if you use it as a jumping off
point to go somewhere else. Because it can be
socially awkward just to walk up to someone
and be like what are you passionate about? You know, like
sometimes we’ve got to like ease into
it a little bit. But if we just let it go
there– one of the things I notice about the where are
you from, what do you do thing, especially the
where are you from. Like, you’d be like, oh, be
like, oh, I’m from Chicago. And then the person I
just met, they’re like, oh, I have a cousin
who is from Wilmette, which is outside of Chicago. Oh, really, where
did she go to school? And, oh, oh, really,
she went to Loyola. Oh, I have a friend
who went to Loyola. And I’m like, where
is this going? Like, we’re now talking
about two people that neither one of us
really know at this point. Anyway, not authentic,
very, very transparent, OK. So we want to go for the
authenticity, the head, the heart, and the
core as a blend. But now one of the
reasons head is important is because
it gives context. Oh, where is that person from? Now we can place them. There’s something about
having context that allows you to trust someone. Like, if I would’ve just
stepped up here and started talking about stuff, and
Alison hadn’t introduced me, and you had no context
of like what my deal was or what my background
was, you’d be thinking, why the heck is
this woman here right now? And like why am I
listening to her? Like I don’t understand. So head is powerful
and important as long as we don’t
stay there forever. OK. So now let’s move on to
the second part, the heart. Now for this part
of the exercise, I’m going to give
you two minutes. The reason is– I know, it’s kind of crazy. Two minutes of
feelings, everybody, that’s what you get today. So the reason I make
this a little bit longer is because I like to create
some time and space for you to even figure this stuff
out before you start talking. So many times in our culture,
we just talk way too soon. We just started saying
all this crazy stuff that is not true, not authentic,
maybe not even transparent, just because we are
conditioned to fill the space. So in your personal
relationships, in business, doesn’t
matter, I encourage you all to take a minute, take
a day, take a week, take what you need to figure out
what is the authentic emotion. So within this exercise, I’d
love for you all to start out. We all have our hand on our
heart and start off just– [INHALES] [EXHALES] –taking a breath. Close your eyes if you need
to, just drop in with yourself. What if we did this
like eight times a day? Wouldn’t that be an
interesting life? We wouldn’t be so lame
anymore because you’d actually kind of see, whoa,
I’m like a complex individual. I’ve got range, you
know, and it’s true. So we need to like drop down
and sink in to even figure out what that is. OK. So I’ll model it for you. Give me two minutes. All right. [EXHALES] OK, what am I feeling. So I’m in this space
right now where I’m feeling total joy
and connection because of this puppy that I adopted. I have not had a
dog for like years because my pug died
a few years ago, and I’ve always wanted
this French bulldog. Like, I want a
French bulldog, but I didn’t want to do
a breeder because I was like this ethical
thing around it. So I was like I want to
adopt a French bulldog, like it doesn’t
happen very often. And then she came
through Petfinder, which I would get obsessively. And she showed up, and she
was given up and discarded by a breeder because she has
this epic underbite, like out of control, like teeth
hanging out of mouth. Like she’s 11 pounds. And I just remember feeling in
that moment like, oh, my god, that’s my dog. And I just moved a
week ago, and this is terrible timing and awful,
but like something in my heart just like was exploding
for this little creature. So we rescued her on Sunday. And ever since then, I’m like
in total puppy craziness. But it’s just like
something about her, it’s like reawakened
what it means to connect, what it means to
care for people, what it means to be
straightforward about what you need. Like don’t eat my couch. [LAUGHTER] Do not crap there, you know, but
just in a loving sort of way, just to show up in that way. And so I’ve really
been basking in that. And yesterday my kids met
her for the first time, and it was just like, I’m
still kind of like riding it. And it’s, for me, kind
of a welcome respite, just with so much that’s going
on in the world right now. I actually kind of came out
of like a month of just– not dumps, per se, but
just feeling like just the world was disconnected
from each other, you know. And it just kind of felt
dark and a little hopeless after the school shooting. Ever since the school
shooting, like really kind of rocked me
to my core because I used to get the calls when that
sort of thing would happen. And now I have two kids that
are in elementary school, and it’s real in a
whole different way. And so– out of time? So when the time ends, like,
you finish your thought because otherwise
it’s just abrupt and feels weird for everybody. So really, in closing,
what I’ve been feeling into is just like the
paradox of what it is to be alive, of like
holding the light and the dark in the very same moment, and
the joy and the pain in the very same moment, and just trying
to become more skillful, which is allowing it all to be true. Thank you. [APPLAUSE] Good breath, the whole room
can take a breath, too, because when you’re
hearing other people share, it can be heavy on you as well. LISA: I had a
therapist once tell me that this is a self-soothing
hand motion, too, so it actually feels real nice. [LAUGHTER] So I moved to Boulder–
well, I moved to Denver, work in Boulder– May of last year is when
I technically started. And pretty much from day
one, I was in a situation that wasn’t good for me. I think, well, it’s
a complex thing, and there’s many reasons,
but ultimately it wasn’t a good team fit. But I’m not– I’m not going to say I’m not a
quitter because there’s plenty of things I’ve given up on. But I want to
succeed, and so I– I spent so much of
my energy and my time talking about people who
were breaking me down. So much of that of my
life is spent doing that, at home, in van pool, just
anyone that would listen, and to the point that I
just got tired of having that be my story every day. And so I put in a
good amount of work, and I found the courage to say,
this isn’t my place anymore. And I want to succeed,
and I think I can succeed, but it can’t be on this team,
and I’m switching teams. And since that– since it all
got approved and everything settled down and I had a
few weeks left with my team, and it is amazing
how when I know that the consequences of
the day-to-day interactions aren’t going to affect me
anymore, how much freer I am and how empowered I am
to actually do my job. I’ve done more job
in the past month effectively and well than I
think I did in the three months prior, just because
I’m finally free. And so just then the
excitement of like, wow, what about when I’m in the
space where I feel really safe and really awesome– the end– oh, and I can finish– how much more could I do there? [APPLAUSE] LESLIE PACE: I just moved
out of my parents’ house, so I feel really free. I’m really excited about it,
even, you know, it’s my 661 square feet, [INAUDIBLE]. It’s mine, and I’m
really happy about it. And I definitely just backed
into my neighbor’s car also. [LAUGHTER] I felt nervous, and I also
felt very responsible because I wrote him a note in the middle
of a snowstorm while I was in my pj’s. [LAUGHTER] I feel very optimistic,
and my brother is graduating from
high school soon. He’s about to go to college,
wants to study architecture. I’m scared. He has epilepsy that is
triggered by sleep deprivation. And you know, you’re in college. All you’re doing is
staying up all night. And I was like,
[INAUDIBLE],, you know, you can’t drink any alcohol. You can’t be out here staying
up late, pulling all-nighters. It’s not a thing which you
can do like everybody else. He’s going to be thousands of
miles away, and I’m nervous, but I’m excited. I love him a lot. Ooh. [LAUGHTER] Um. [SNIFFLING] He is my little brother. He’s 6′ 5″. [LAUGHTER] And he wears a men’s 15 shoe. [LAUGHTER] And he has started
growing dreadlocks, and I don’t like them. [LAUGHTER] But he likes it, and
that is what matters. We took him to see Kendrick
Lamar for his 18th birthday. And he was so excited,
and he said, Leslie, this is the most fun
I’ve had all summer. And he is an old man
in a young man’s body. Even when we were
younger, I would say, hey, let’s go get ice cream. He’d be like, I already
have my pajamas on. [LAUGHTER] [INAUDIBLE] so I am
nervous but excited. ERIN WEED: Thank you. [APPLAUSE] PAIGE: [INAUDIBLE] Ah,
I feel lots of feelings all the time actually. I’m a pretty feeling person. It kind of sucks to
wear glasses when you’re a feeling person
because they like– the tears, like, go out. [LAUGHTER] So sometimes I cry, like,
watching commercials and just when you say
something nice, I get teary, and it’s a really annoying
trait that I have. But I’m kind of
learning to embrace it. I’m 31 years old, and I
feel like your thirties are about kind of
embracing who you are and acknowledging and loving
yourself and who you are. I spent– see, svroom. [LAUGHTER] This is who I am. [LAUGHTER] I’m so surprised
that I was actually able to watch “Game of Thrones.” I just, like, [INAUDIBLE]. [LAUGHTER] I didn’t like it. [LAUGHTER] But I feel like I spent a lot
of the last couple of years kind of working through
this part of who I am and that being OK,
and also co-existing with other parts of who I
am, like the smart parts and the professional parts
and the hardhearted parts, and also just growing up. I feel like I’m in a
growing up kind of phase. I recently kind of
separated from my dad. And that was a really– don’t
know why I’m sharing– but a really hard year. But it’s also really about me
and it being OK to be unique, and that you don’t– you don’t need everyone else’s
approval around you to be you and to love you for
you, and so yeah. That’s good. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] ERIN WEED: Before
we hop to you guys, I just want to just make a
note because like I could feel your self-consciousness in it. Like, how easy is
it to hear her? Like, it’s so easy
to just be with you and the authenticity of it. And like, what if as women we
can let go of any judgment, if we show up in
that emotional way. Like, it’s just so easy
to hear you so thank you. So at this point, we can
go back to our partners. Two minutes for each. [INTERPOSING VOICES] What did you notice about the
difference between the head and the heart, outside of the
visual difference of the room? AUDIENCE: I cried. ERIN WEED: Yeah? I cried. AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE] ERIN WEED: It was interesting? OK. What else? AUDIENCE: You wanted
to respond when the other person was talking. ERIN WEED: Yeah, yeah. AUDIENCE: It was uncomfortable. [LAUGHTER] ERIN WEED: Yeah. AUDIENCE: They just
aren’t typically things would come out in a
first meeting with someone. [INAUDIBLE] censored and
like feeling sort of that polite– those polite
social boundaries, you wouldn’t off-put
those things on somebody. ERIN WEED: Totally. AUDIENCE: [INAUDIBLE]
feel like offloading. ERIN WEED: Yeah. AUDIENCE: Actually I kind
of think it’s the opposite. I think it’s easier to share
with strangers sometimes. ERIN WEED: Ah. AUDIENCE: I feel
like there’s a– like you don’t know
anything about me and I don’t know
anything about you, so I can just say anything. ERIN WEED: Yeah. [LAUGHTER] AUDIENCE: Here we are. [INAUDIBLE] ERIN WEED: It’s like– she’s like, my
therapist is Uber. [LAUGHTER] Just go take a
20-minute ride when you need to dump something. Yeah, OK. Yes. AUDIENCE: Some of
the things I said were things I felt but
never said out loud. ERIN WEED: Ah, very cool. AUDIENCE: Felt like
saying out loud. ERIN WEED: Interesting. Did anyone who tends to
be more of a head person? Because just because
we’re mostly women here doesn’t mean we’re all
heart people, you know. There’s women who are just
more head people, too. So is there anybody who
is more of a head person, you’ve almost noticed yourself
like analyzing the feeling, like I think that I feel this. And you can almost like– and you can usually tell when
you’re doing the exercise when someone’s like a head person
thinking about their feelings, when it’s just like, there’s
no body match-up, you know. So it can come off as
being a little incongruent. So head people have
to be careful of that so that people
don’t distrust them because it’s not matching
up, if you know what I mean. So heart is really important. Like, there’s a
lot of connection because at the end of the
day, we’re all human beings. And that’s the thing
we have in common, and this is where we
can really connect. But on the flip side, just
as if we show up in our head all the time, and there’s
a lack of connection, if we just showed
up, and we’re just like bleeding all over the
floor with our feelings, 98% of the time,
after a while, people are going to start avoiding
you because that’s exhausting. I work with a lot
of activists that are trying to make big
change in the world. And a lot of these
activists are trying to make this change because
something bad happened. And it woke us up to something– a better way. And it’s just kind
of this natural thing to just go into the–
and this happened and this happened to
me and this was awful, and this person died. And you know,
like, it’s all bad, like, as someone who talked
about rape and murder for 12 years, it’s bad. And we need to be able to
talk about it from the head, and we need to be able to
talk about it from the core, too, and balance it out. Otherwise, people get
emotionally exhausted, and you don’t
connect then either. So everything is about balance. So that’s the heart. The final piece of this– and
then we’re going to tie up– is the core. We’re going to shift back
to one minute for this. You might not even
need all that time, and you don’t have
to use it all. Speaking from the core
tends to be very short, very to the point. My daughter, I don’t want
to wear shoes, very clear. It doesn’t necessarily need
to make sense so let’s just release ourselves from
having to for that to happen. It could just be what
you want in that moment. I want this. I want that. And so I find that a good
prompt when we do the core– and you might want to do
this with your partner– just start off with,
what do you want. In some ways, it
can sound abrasive. But in other ways, it can
sound totally freeing. You’re like, really, I can
answer that question anyway I want to? OK, here’s what I want. You know, so have
some fun with this. Notice what comes up. I also notice, when we
speak from the core, sometimes it can
seem really random. Like, I want world peace, and I
want to sleep later, you know, like, it’s seemingly unrelated. But maybe if everyone
slept later, I don’t know. [LAUGHTER] So just whatever, remember,
we’re not rehearsing still. So just whatever wants
to come out, comes out. So this time, we’re just
going to hold her belly. This is kind of the place
where we manifest things. So again, take a
good deep breath. [INHALES] What do you want? And especially, by
the way, as leaders, we need to tell people
what we want if we want to lead people somewhere. Martin Luther King, Jr.,
like if he gave speeches, and he didn’t tell
people that he had a dream, like
do you think he would have been as effective? We wanted to get on
board with that dream. He took us somewhere. So we need to do that as
leaders in our relationships and our teams and in the world. OK, I want– I want to potty train my dog. [LAUGHTER] Because I think it will
make my life better. I want– in this sense,
in more the work sense, I want people to show
up more authentically. I have the luxury of
doing this for a living, of getting people to their
most authentic selves and helping them communicate. And I see what’s on
the other side of that, and it’s that thing
that like you know, that maybe not everybody
knows, and it’s so frustrating because
you want everyone to know it because life is so
much better when they do that. And so that’s kind
of how I feel. And so opportunities like
this are so exciting for me so that hopefully you can take
this tool and run with it. I want to figure out the
violence problem in our world. And maybe even more
than the violence, like the anger and the
disconnection that’s behind all of that. I want to get to
the root of things. And I think– back
up here– but I think one of the reasons
we feel so disconnected is because we’re all
conditioned to be inauthentic. So I want us to show
up in a different way than we maybe have been because
there’s really a spectrum– time? There’s really a
spectrum, and I think we can choose in every moment
to show up more authentically, and the world will
be better for it. All right. That’s my minute. What do you want? LISA: What do I want? I want to utilize my body
to its greatest capacity, mostly I think
physically because I just think that each of us are
given the gift of the mobility that we have. And I want to be as fit
and as strong as possible. And I want to share that gift of
body mobility with other people because I think that a lot of
time it’s I should work out. I have to work out,
and not like I fucking get to go move my body
until it sweats and wants to like collapse on the floor. Like that’s how I feel about
it, and I want to share that. And I think it stems a lot from
I’ve had four knee surgeries, so I know what it’s like
to not have mobility, to not be able to use your body. And it’s not a vanity thing. It’s a feeling– I
think that I feel better about every other part of
my life when I feel strong. And I think everybody should
feel strong because everybody can feel strong. ERIN WEED: OK. LISA: [INAUDIBLE] Oh, OK. ERIN WEED: Awesome, thank you. [APPLAUSE] LESLIE PACE: All right. I want to travel the world
and speak to the masses and teach yoga everywhere
and have a big home and feed a bunch of people. And I want to get more
degrees and read more books. And I want to speak
more languages and maybe sign languages. I want to build better products. I want to eat more
mac and cheese. [LAUGHTER] I want to be Miss Colorado USA. I want to buy a house. I want to build generational
wealth for future generations. I want to own a tea company. I want to become a restaurateur. I want to get more tattoos. I want to– AUDIENCE: Saved by the timer. [APPLAUSE] PAIGE: I want to feel
fulfilled in my career. I want to be strong. I want to be able to control
the emotional part of me while still feeling it. I want to have
more time to read. I want to write a book someday. I want to go on vacation. I want to hike more. I want to have time. I want to spend more
time with my mom. I want to spend more
time with lots of people. I want to have a
sense of purpose. I want coffee. [LAUGHTER] I want to stop now. [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] ERIN WEED: All right. So this is the final thing
we’re doing in this session, so throw your gusto into this. Partner up, you’ve
got one minute. What do you want? So what did you notice about
speaking from the core? AUDIENCE: It felt powerful. ERIN WEED: Felt powerful, yeah. AUDIENCE: It felt energizing. ERIN WEED: It’s what? AUDIENCE: It felt energizing. ERIN WEED: Energizing, yeah. You can feel it in the
room right now, right. It’s like, woo, OK. Yeah. Speaking from the core, it
allows people to follow us. It allows people
to connect to us. So as you can see from this
exercise, when we show up and speak from those
three different places, they’re so distinctly different,
yet they’re all distinctly you. And when you show up, and you’ll
bring all of those things, people can get the most
authentic experience of you, and you can feel the most
authentically expressed. So the final thing I’m
going to leave you with is just a quick little
story, something that I do with these
big TED speakers, right. After we go through
this process, and we write their talk,
they’re always like, OK, well, I’m going to go give this talk. Like, any other final
pieces of advice? I’m like, yes, my
piece of advice is for you to break a coconut. They’re like– that is like– what am I paying you for? Like, what’s happening? And I’m like, yeah,
OK, so here’s the deal. So in the Hindu
religion, they have this ceremony called
breaking a coconut, and it’s something that you
do when there is something in your space that’s preventing
you from being the human that the gods
intended you to be. So it’s like your
ego interfering, like either you’re
playing yourself down or you’re playing yourself up. It doesn’t matter,
but like something’s blocking in the way. And the question becomes,
what do you need to let go of? And so in the Hindu
religion, they like approach the
community– whoever in the community that’s being
blocked by this thing, that’s preventing them from being the
awesome person that they are. And they say, you need
to break a coconut. And imagine, what is that thing
that you can infuse spiritually into that coconut that
you need to let go of, to get out of the way and
become the person that you were supposed to be for
the sake of the gods. And so they smash a coconut– this person does–
and releases the thing that they need to
get out of the way. Maybe it’s fear of
money, fear of success, fear of being seen,
fear of failing. It’s usually a
fear of some kind. But smashing that coconut
and, in that process, smashing that thing that’s
preventing us from showing up as our authentic self, and then
the milk splatters everywhere, and it’s the most freeing thing. I actually do this with clients. Like, we actually go to Boulder
Creek and smash coconuts. And it’s in front of
the police station, so I’m just waiting for the
day that they’re like, just– I just don’t really
know how to start this, but are you breaking
coconuts in nature? I’m like, yeah. But when the milk
splatters, it’s amazing. And then you pick up the
pieces, though, of the coconut, and you gently throw
them into water. In our case, we use
the Boulder Creek. And the reason that you
throw them into water is it’s supposed to be
a grateful letting go. Because that thing that
came into your space to prevent you from being who
you truly were, it was a gift. It protected you. At some point in your
life, it kept you safe. And now it’s not needed. And so you smash the
coconut to let it go but you thank it on its way out. And so my final thing
I wanted to leave you today with is just a question. What do you need to let
go of to be that woman or to be that man that
you were meant to be? Let it go, break a
coconut if you need to. Whole Foods carries them. [LAUGHTER] Get the brown ones. Shatter it, throw the
pieces away, and thank it for protecting you. But be ready for a new
layer of self to emerge. I want to thank you all
so much for having me here on International Women’s Day. It’s been an absolute honor. [APPLAUSE] I hope you have an amazing day. And if anybody wanted to stay
in touch, I am local here. My office is right
in downtown Boulder. My handle is @erinweed,
pretty much across the board if you’re on social media. I would love to stay in touch. So thank you all so much. [APPLAUSE]