Battle Buddies – Finding Bigfoot


Jack: In 2017, a team of two troublemakers was left alone in the Achievement Hunter office while their comrades filmed the movie and took a sabbatical J: These lads promptly joined together to combat the legions of in-game enemies that threaten our nation together J: still searching for the presence of their co-workers J: They play as associates of assault. If you’re as lonely as they are, if you’ve got nowhere else to go for fun, J: Or if you’re just plain bored, maybe you can hire the Battle Buddies Female Voice: Battle Buddies, a creature has been terrorizing the citizens in the woods outside of Austin, Texas FV: Your mission is to arm yourselves with weaponry, traps, and cameras, travel into the woods, hunt down this creature, and bring him in FV: Failure to do this is not an option good luck. Jeremy: All right Ryan get your gear [Heavy Ryan sigh] Ryan: I gotta be honest. This is the shittest job we’ve ever had J: Yeah, I mean we’re in a pretty shitty part outside of Austin here R: Look at it outside! R: Actually-
J: Dude J: We used to be in battle killing people R: It is actually kind of spectacular if I’m honest if you go outside it J: Oh, wow
R: It’s beautiful J: Oh, wow
R: This is- we must be way outside Austin. J: Yeah, well, this is just like a couple miles outside the city. You’ve never been here before? R: It’s- it’s mainly R: I thought there’s a lot of rocks. What’s the rope for? J: Uh, for tying up the monster! R: You- you think we’re gonna tie him up? Really? Or we’re just gonna… J: I mean listen R: Do we need to take him back for splitting?
J: They want him alive, but I- shit J: I can’t promise anything R: Well at least we’re in nature, I guess J: All right, I got some tracking bullets, R: So do we have any kind of Intel and where this damn thing is or what it is? R: They say it was a- like a sasquatch right?
J: Right
R: Are we talking like yeti? J: As far as I know, it’s big
R: A wendigo. I mean there’s a lot sasquatch variants out there J: We won’t know until we see him. I need some- oh, ammo! There we go. That’s what I need R: Ripping some branches. All right, I guess I’ll put some traps down J: That’s what this needs
R: Oh, I need meat J: Oh, we need the meat. Oh, yeah, I brought it in the fridge over here J: Ah, keep that nice and cool. Oops R: Where did we get this action wagon man?
J: I don’t know, but I want it [Jeremy laughing]
R: Ope, did you close it back up? R: Gotta keep it fresh
J: I wanna keep it. There we go R: Is there any more in there? R: Or are we good?
J: We’re good. We’re good. I got three. I only got two traps R: I got four traps, so we’re good all right.
J: All right. Also make sure to take some branches R: Yeah
J: I mean stick a branch down on top of the trap. He’ll never see it coming R: Oh, I’m twigging, man. I’m fully twigged R: That- that sounded wrong.
J: Yeah, yeah R: It’s private. Just pretend I didn’t say that J: These are huge, huge traps. All right.
R: Well, we’re going for a huge feet J: Let’s stick one line right over here
R: And I’ll put a camera next to it J: All right, so, slap you down
R: Okay J: Put some meat in there look at that
R: Got the camera next to it J: and then, uh
R: Branch it over J: Got it!
R: And put one of these down J: Ooo, that’s well hidden. I’m gonna step in that if I’m not careful [Trap snaps shut] R: Ow! Yep! You could step in ’em
J: Oh wow! [Ryan groaning] J: Oh, Ryan!
R: You can step in ’em J: You need to be careful with those
R: Oh, ow, that hurts so bad J: I got it R: It had meat in it, though
J: [wheeze] Trap down J: Meat in.
R: What happened to the other meat?
J: Branch J: I think I got it
R: At least some of my leg meat should have been in there J: I got it. I get the meat
[Ryan groaning] J: Oh, God, that’s- that looks bad Ryan.
R: I got a limp J: That’s gonna get infected if we don’t get out of here fast enough
R: I’m gonna get tetanus. Ow! J: As far as I know, this thing’s nocturnal R: So, we’re just kind of establishing like a base? J: Yeah
R: Cuz it’ll, you know, it probably wants to eat us as much as we want to eat it J: Well, I mean, there is-
R: I mean, what? Eat it, right? J: I mean, I’ll eat it. Are, you kidding me?
R: All right, I put, uh, my traps are down. R: We’ve, uh, we’ve got a partial perimeter here.
J: My traps are down, too J: Um- J: There’s a swamp to the north there
R: Wanna go hit up for some bullets? J: Yeah, they might have more bullets, which would be nice. Maybe even more traps R: To the northwest you say? Oh, the north
J: Yeah, yeah, it’s kind of northwest J: It’s like a swamp
R: Should we be looking for scat? What kind of scat does a bigfoot drop? J: Big scat J: And I mean real big R: Sizable like- like dinosaur scat or?
J: Like I’m questioning some of these trees R: Ohhh J: All right, so see here
R: It’s like 70 Kirks J: Where are you at right now? Uh you heading toward the house? R: Yeah, you around here somewhere? J: Yeah, yeah, I’m in the swamp R: You creeping on me? Where you at?
J: I’m in the swamp. I’m like a swamp monster R: But I feel like I hear you
J: I’m that monster from ‘The Shape of Water’ R: I’m not familiar with that work, and that’s really confusing to me.
J: That’s cuz- I don’t think it’s out yet R: Oh R: I was gonna say. There’s zero chance that there’s a movie that exists that you have seen that I have not so J: You- [wheeze] you’re making a lot of sense right now
[Ryan chuckling] J: All right, anything good in that house?
R: There’s another rifle J: Hey, Ryan
R: Oh, there’s some ammo got it R: Oh, there’s a trap
J: Ooo, another trap. That’s a good one. I’ve got meat for it R: Oh nice. Okay, so we’ve got another trap and more meat J: That’ll work
R: There was some bullets. There was nothing up in this stand R: Gonna switch out for tracking boats to start with J: Nice. Yeah, and our intel suggests that he’s afraid of flares, bright lights, so that’s why we have the flare guns R: That explains- nocturnal-ness
J: Yep. Doesn’t like them R: Now we just, uh, just sit here getting trench foot
J: Where do we want to put this new trap down? R: I mean we’re gonna forget where it is without a camera on it, so we need to make sure we don’t drop it-
J: I have a camera as well R: Oh, okay. I got two traps. Why do I have two traps?
J: Oh, well, deal J: Oh!
R: Wow!
J: Whoa R: I put that as close to you as I could
J: Chill your bean. All right R: And then-
J: Ope, camera, yeah R: Here’s- here’s what we’ll do. We’ll put this one right here, and he’ll be like “I see that trap!” J: Oh
R: “Idiots!” and then he’ll step in that one J: Got it and then I’ll camera. I’ll cam ’em both J: So if he steps in one, we’ll be able to check those cameras and find out which one R: What if he just doesn’t come? R: Oh. Well, there’s the sun starting to set on this first beautiful day J: Yeah, it’s starting to get dark R: All right, what do you think? Should we hang out at the base? You want to kind of roam around at night? J: Uh J: Woof! Oh whoa! God! R: What’s happened? J: The tree came down and almost crushed me!
R: Oh! Oh! I hear it! R: Where was that?
J: God! Um, I was heading- I was- J: I was still going in the direction, I was still going east R: Oh there you are. I see
J: Yeah, hey R: Where did the tree come down?
J: Right here R: The hell?
J: Look at it! R: This is why I hate nature
J: I almost got crushed by it! R: Should’ve shot it J: All right, maybe we should head back toward- back to the camper R: Uh, if a large pre- so, it’s gotta be a predator J: Oh! A deer!
R: Doe? J: Got him
R: Ah [Jeremy laughing] J: Ah, expert hunter I am, yes. That deer is now booby trapped R: Why did it just now have a death rattle? J: Boop
R: Ah!
J: There we go R: All right, well, we’ve pretty much done everything we can do
J: Perfection. Yep, all right J: Let me load a bullet back in there. All right. Back toward the camp [Lightning]
Jeremy & Ryan: Oh!! R: Okay
J: Lord R: Didn’t know we were visiting spooky town. Look there’s a tree on fire! J: Oh that just got hit by lightning. All right, I’ve got my- [Owl hooting] [Thunder] J: Ooo, it’s scary out here. All right, let’s head back toward that camper R: Ope, what’s that? Oh, it was a branch
J: That’s the tree that almost killed me R: That was a scary looking root structure J: Uh- oh, we’re not too far from the camp R: Yeah, it’s across this bridge. This rickety- R: Not well-maintained bridge
J: This is like a bunch of downed fences J: I don’t know if I’d… R: What? Why would someone build this? J: To get to the other side. Oh, no wait, that’s a chicken joke R: Yeah, it’s not- not to alarm you after having walked across it twice, but it is connected to nothing J: You know what-
R: Ya know, there are posts under there, and they’re just not in… on the ground J: I’m across it I’m not gonna worry about it
R: Also, it’s a very shallow river R: Fording is not a challenge
J: Oh, yeah? R: Can just really stroll right across
J: Well, you don’t get your feet wet J: I mean it is raining, but you know R: Oh, did we leave the camera in the camper? Looks like Number Two is just in it J: Pfff J: Number ones also real close to it J: Hold on. I’m heading over there. I’m almost there. Oh boy. I gotta make sure not to step in the traps J: Oo, that was a critical oversight. I’m gonna- I’m gonna kind of go north a little bit. J: Oh, okay. I see them. I see them
R: Don’t forget your night-vision goggles J: Oh, that’s… What am I looking at there? R: Wha- what? Where? J: Oh, crap. Camera Four I think a deer walked into our bear trap, so it might be set off R: Oh, all right. I’ll go reset it R: Four. J: I can see the camper
R: Okay
J: So it’s very nearby R: All right, heading out to Camera Four J: I see you J: Yep, that way
R: There’s something. Nah, we’re good J: Uh, left
R: Left J: Uh, left
R: Left J: That way, yeah R: Oh! R: Yeah, yeah, there’s a big dead deer here. The hell’s that? R: Oh God! Oh God! R: He’s coming in! [Bigfoot growling]
J: Oh! J: He’s in here! R: I think tagged him
J: Fuck me! R: Think I tagged him. He’s running off R: Do we have him on trace?
J: Uh J: You tagged him. Yep, yep. Get after him
R: You scared him off, though J: He was in the camper with me!
R: All right, well, You know. We still got catch this thing R: Boy [Lightning] R: Ninja. Ah! There’s another tree on fire J: Oh! I saw him! I saw him R: He’s running
J: Light him up and then get ready to use your flare if you need to R: Bigfoot. More like-
J: He’s really going R: Big puss R: Where you going? J: I see him! I see him!
R: You see him J: He’s coming for you, Ryan
R: Oh my God [Bigfoot growling] R: Ah! J: Did I get that off in time, did you get hit?
R: I got hit and I- [Gun shots] J: He took some bullets, though. He took some damage J: God, that thing’s taking a lot of hits! God damn it.
R: Ah, me too! Ouch R: Hold on. I’m gonna patch up. There we go R: We still have our trace? Yeah, we do
J: Yeah, we do. Oh, he’s going far J: We can’t go into those mountains, though. There’s no way. Those are impassable J: All right. I’m still on the screen here J: I’m looking at him. He’s- he’s over here somewhere. R: Yeah, we’re getting close J: Don’t let him bite me
R: We’re right on top of him J: I’ll try to blast him with a- J: flare if he gets…
R: Oh, I hear him R: There he goes there
J: There he goes R: He’s running right at me! R: The flare didn’t stop him!
J: It didn’t stop him all! R: Now, he’s running [Gun shots] J: Get after him [Jeremy groaning] R: We lost sight
J: That was a lot of hits he took R: God! R: He hit me again! J: He’s pissed at you, Ryan
R: The flare didn’t stop him at all! J: Maybe you have to be the one that he’s after R: I guess. You just, uh R: Man, we gotta be quicker on the flare J: Yeah, the flare J: It’s tough to get that out though when you’re panicking R: I was just trying to shoot him. I thought you- the flare was already up R: I was like there’s no way he’s gonna keep running up to me and actually hit me and then he did J: All right, so maybe it should be like flare first, and then as he’s running away take him R: Ope, he’s good He’s taking off across the water J: He’s hugging that outside edge of it
R: Hopefully, he’ll go get caught in Six J: That’d be real nice of him J: Oh, he’s gone!
R: We lost the trace R: Wonder if he’s just too far away. Or maybe I forgot to change the batteries in the tracer bullets R: Dammit
J: That’s true. They do wear off R: It’s like eight of those tiny watch batteries. They’re such a pain
J: All right. He could be anywhere keep your eyes peeled I J: I got my- I got my flare gun out, just in case J: Another bite is not gonna- not gonna do me any good
R: Oh, you’ve been bit, too? J: I’ve been bit. He bit me in the camper R: Like on the back? J: Like in the back. It was totally in my back R: Oh! Oh, there is! J: Yes!
R: Nice hit! I don’t- R: I might of tagged him with a tracker J: Uh… J: No, he’s not tracked, but- J: he’s at- J: he’s almost half- R: You- your able to judge that by all the blood on the ground right? Like all the visceral J: Oh, yeah, I can tell. I mean, my large experience of hunting Bigfoot J: Oh, you did get him!
R: Did I? J: Yeah!
R: I fired a late, like, long-range one R: Unfortunately, I think we’re about to lose the light, or lack of light
J: Lack of light, yeah J: Wow, he’s really heading south R: Yeah, we’re probably gonna lose him at the dawn
J: C’mon, smell that meat. Smell that meat J: All right. Ooh, ohh.
R: What’d ya got? J: He’s doubling back a little bit R: We might get another shot at him J: [whispering] Oh yes… [Breathy noise] J: Oh, God
R: What is that noise? J: A body? R: You found a body? J: *You* found a body, I think R: I found a body? R: There he is! R: He’s still coming! J: I got him! J: Hit him! [Gun shots] J: All right J: Oh, man.
[Ryan groaning] R: He’s still out there
J: He’s still out there, but he’s taking heavy hits R: [to himself] I found a body? Who’d I find? J: It’s back here J: I’ve got a marker for over here. Oh God! Yep R: Oh, man
J: Oh, ammunition! R: Nice! [Jeremy groaning] R: I can’t pick it up J: Poor bitch. Oh, I picked it up R: I still see it
J: Oh J: Interesting… J: Yeah, she got got. Bigfoot’s way out east now
R: Oh look at her leg! It’s backwards J: Oh, wow J: Bigfoot brutalized her
R: Oh, wait. Oh, God R: The the blip was on top of his for a second. He’s headed back for us again J: Is he really?
R: Yeah J: Oh, I think I’m out of flares. I gotta stock back up at the camp again R: I still got two J: Oh, boy. He’s near us
R: We’re right on top of him R: There he is! R: Hit him [Gun shots] J: Oh, he’s far out
R: I don’t see him. There he is R: Got him J: Nice, nice, nice R: Well, no. We didn’t get a lot of good hits on that one
J: Not really R: We may have shot him a little too early J: Uh- oh, he’s still over here, though R: We got one flare left J: Oh, boy he comes at me, it’s not gonna be good. Unless, maybe you hit him with it and then he’ll- J: and then he’ll fuck off J: Oh, he’s cooking!
R: Yeah, yeah, I think we’re gonna lose him J: No, we can’t, we can’t J: Oh, you’re up in front of me
R: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa R: He’s- he’s doubling J: I’m not right on you. I’m a little behind you trying to catch up R: Where is he? Where is he? R: He’s getting ahead of me again R: Yeah, yeah, he’s gone. He’s taking off J: Oh, he’s gone, yep. Lost the tracker. Dammit! [Ryan groaning] R: It’s all right. It’s a good start
J: That was a good night, though R: We need to rest up, you know J: Let’s move some of our traps at the camp a little further out J: And then… we could probably set up at the camp. He’ll have to come to us J: You know what that noise was?
R: What? J: He hid a trap R: Oh J: Look at his health
R: Hey! Yeah, he took a little shot J: Yeah, the tracker also gives us his health by the way R: Right, yes. It’s like biometrics
J: Science! Science R: This must’ve been the one he hit J: Is there blood on it? You will see blood if he hit it R: Uh, well it’s hard to tell in the black and white camera image J: Here, I’m heading toward One R: Oh! J: What? R: He’s standing next to Camera One! J: Oh my God! There he- I saw him! R: Where? J: Right in front of ya. I’m like on Two R: Where’d he go? J: I saw him run by R: He’s still out here J: Oh, where’d he get to? J: Yeah, I totally- yeah, as soon as you called that out, I was like “Is that- what is that?” R: He looked like a tree J: I’m gonna reset Trap One
R: Okay J: Because he might have that off J: Okay, it’s like right around here somewhere. Here it is. Here it is. Yep. It’s set off J: Ohhh J: There’s blood
R: We got him J: That’s one
R: He fears us J: Yep
R: He knows pain J: We’re gonna move- J: I’m gonna move this one up over here. We’ll make a nice ring J: Look at that. We got him in a trap during the day. That never happens R: Never noticed how loud my own footsteps were until just now, really J: Yeah J: Yeah, I hear ya. I just- I just got freaked out by something there R: Never learned to be stealthy in all our missions J: Well. This isn’t exactly a stealthy mission. We want to lure him in J: What’s that? Is that a…? J: Yeah, that’s just a downed tree I think J: Watch out for trees, too. I mean, they’ll come for you. Oh, sweet. There’s a tower R: I mean, I’m not above shooting some lumber J: You might have to you. Oh, sweet more flares and ammo. I’ll take that R: Wow, that was a good find J: Yeah, there’s actually an extra flare here, too, that I can’t take R: Uh oh R: Do you hear that?
J: Yes… Oh! He might have hit another trap R: Doesn’t look like it J: It’s possible J: Listen, if I’m heading in the door-
R: Oh God! I see him! J: Where, where, where? R: Uh, I’m way down south
J: Way down south, all right R: He’s got nowhere to go either J: Oh, Ryan you might have to mano-a-mano him
R: Oh, this is gonna be bad R: Hold on. I’ve lost him R: But I don’t think- unless he can just retreat into a special- R: Bigfoot only area J: He might-
R: I got him cornered! Oh God! He’s coming at me! J: Oh, Ryan R: He’s running off. I did track him, though J: You tracked him? Oh, man. I don’t even see the track. I must be real far from you R: I don’t know if I- I mean I hit him. I don’t know if it works during the day. J: I’m over by Seven R: Uh, I’m way south of Seven. No! The tracks working R: He’s headed west to the bridge at the south on the edge of the map J: Oh, okay, I see that bridge, but if he’s heading west, it’s gonna be hard for me to get there in time R: He’s headed towards Five J: Towards Five. Okay J: All right, I just wanted to check on Seven real quick. Seven’s good R: Oh, wait. Okay, so now he’s headed back towards Seven J: Oh, I actually d-
R: He’s in- he’s in the river J: I actually don’t see his track R: Well, I’m coming up on him
J: I might have been too far to get the initial signal R: All right, I’m getting close, getting close J: He’s in the river
R: No, he’s now east of the river J: East of the river, okay R: I feel like I’m on top of him. I scared him off. He’s headed back towards the river. R: He’s crossing the river
J: Oh, oh, I think- J: I think I saw something
R: Yeah, he’s crossing the river now R: He’s headed towards Five J: Where are you? I think I saw you come here you- R: He’s real skittish during the day J: Yeah, he is J: I mean, he came at you, though? R: He did come- well, no, he ran away from me R: Whole time J: Where’s he now?
R: He’s to the right of Five. East of Five J: Kay R: Now he’s headed to the lake J: Okay, I’m gonna try to cut him off R: Yeah, he’s walking kind of dead between Five and One towards the lake and the bridge R: Ope, now he’s going- R: He’s just kind of standing there J: Between Five and One? R: He’s- he’s to the east, but dead between ’em. Now he’s headed more towards One J: There he is! R: Oh, he’s running R: He’s running straight towards One. I hear ya J: Oh, that’s three solid hits
R: He might run into that trap R: Oh, he’s so close to it [Gun shot] R: He ran right past Trap One J: Ugh, that’s a shame. I got a lot of hits on him, though
R: Yeah, ya did J: There’s one more R: His biometrics are looking real rough J: Yes! J: Ha ha ha ha! R: I’ve got a track on him. He’s- he’s into the swamp J: Oh, good day for hunting Bigfoot. He’s in the swamp? J: That track can’t last much longer. R: No, it’s gotta be running out. He’s still heading northwest into the swamp J: Ooo, that’s- he’s definitely got a hidey-hole in there somewhere R: Oh, wait! He’s coming back south R: He’s next to the tower. Just to the west of the tower. Heading southwest, slightly R: Sun’s going down. About to be his night
J: I can see the tower R: Think I’m about to have him cut off.
J: No way, Ryan. This is our night J: See how much damage he has? There’s no way was making it
R: Yeah, he’s looking rough J: Where is he right now, Ryan?
R: He’s, uh- he’s just west of Six J: Just west of Six?
R: Yeah R: He’s on the other side of this big mountain from where I am J: He might be safe then R: I see him! I see him R: Hit him! R: Three hits J: I hear you shooting R: He’s running… northwest or northeast, sorry. He’s heading right back towards the tower J: I heard you shooting, but I didn’t see him. Or you. R: I still see him! He’s in the swamp R: Hit him again
J: I just saw him as you took that shot R: Oh, I hit him several times
J: There, we got him. I hit him, too R: There he goes J: Yep, yep R: This tracking beacon’s the real hero. It’s still going J: Use Duracell on that thing R: We lost the beacon
J: Okay J: All right, I’m gonna pop a tracking bullet in
R: Okay R: That was a good day, though! J: That was a great day! R: Starting to forget that we haven’t slept in like 72 hours J: That’s okay. It’s all right. Well, we have a mission- J: and- J: regardless of how frivolous the mission is- J: We care about it R: And meth. We got lots of meth in the trailer
J: We got lots of that, too R: We’re not- we’re not using it R: And we don’t condone using it R: It’s like a contact high
J: Right J: [sighs] It’s a shame the trackers gone. I wonder if he’s still over here J: I mean night times gonna come soon and then- R: I assume either- he’s either in that northeast corner, or he went- R: Oh, you’re- you’re over there on the southeast side of the lake, right? J: Yup
R: Okay R: He has not come back this way, so it means we’ve got him in this corner J: Oh! J: I thought I heard something R: I’m in the swamp R: I’m approaching the tower J: Night-time’s fast approaching. I mean, do we go back to the camp where we’re surrounded by traps? J: Chances are he’ll hit one R: I’m looking around. Yeah, I guess we can. R: We’re need him there anyway, right? That’s where the-
J: Yeah R: cage we’re gonna have to shove him in is
J: This’ll be the night. This’ll be the night R: No! Oh God! He’s on me!
J: I hear you! R: I hit him with a flare!
J: Oh, I see the flare [Gun shots] R: Motherfucker! He came for me like an assassin
J: Which way did he run? R: He went past- straight past the tower. I didn’t have a tracking bullet R: Ugh, I’m gonna have to patch up J: I’m staying out here then R: Oh, feel so much better R: Can you see my flashlight? J: Um… J: Oh, yeah. Oh, wait R: I’m spinning like a lighthouse Yes! I ju- I see you R: He went, uh- yeah, he went north. I got some shots in him but- R: Alright, that just serves to reinforce why we should go back to the cage J: Oh! R: Oh, what’s that?
J: Crap R: Oh he’s on us! He’s on us! J: Ah, he hit me but I got a- I got a track in him. I think [Gun shots] R: I hit him R: a few times R: Did you get the track?
J: I think so- J: Yes, I did
R: Yeah, you did. Oh, it’s over for you Footsies! J: Yes, let’s get him. Alright, I’m patching up J: Okay, go ahead, Ryan R: Okay
J: ‘Kay
R: He’s coming right at me J: ‘M right behind you R: There he is. Bip! [Gun shots] J: Yep, yep [Gun shots] R: Light him up! J: There we go. Oh, I gotta reload R: Yep. Me too R: He’s uh- oh, he’s hurt!
J: He’s so hurt! J: Ha ha ha! R: Put an end to this menace!
J: Yep. Chase him down. J: All right, I’m veering kind of east. R: Oh, boy. Yeah. J: I want him to run at me R: I’m out of uh- Oh, you shooting him? J: Oh! I got him!
R: You got him?
J: I got him! R: Where is he?
J: Ryan, he’s right here! R: He’s still tracked. I see it, yeah. I’m headed in
J: Oh! J: I can catch him! J: Catch Bigfoot! Oh, I’m tying him up, Ryan!
R: I’m coming! J: Ope
R: I’ve picked the wrong- J: Ooo
R: Yay! J: Ohhhh! J: Now, we gonna put this bastard in a cage. Oh, I got him! He’s all tied up! J: Ryan-
R: I’m time coming I want to see this J: Get up here, Ryan
R: I’m trying J: I got this son of a bitch
R: I picked the wrong way around the mountain R: This stupid, big outcropping of granite. J: Oh did you go more north?
R: I think I did, yeah [Jeremy grunting] R: All right, you got a flare?
J: Oh, there you are! R: Ah, yeah there-
J: Ryan, look what I got! R: Oh, you’re just dragging him across the ground!
[Jeremy laughing victoriously] [Jeremy sucking in air] J: Oh, he’s heavy, though [Jeremy grunting]
J: [straining] I can’t really pull him R: Ope R: Oh! Oh my God, you’re levitating! J: Oh, boy J: Uh, here. Can you- R: There we go. I got him
J: Oh, yeah, there you go J: Can you pull him? R: Is he- what? What am I running into? Nothing? J: There you go!
R: There we go. Okay R: Am I going the right way? J: Uh… J: You gotta go a little more-
R: Ah, sorta J: Yeah, that direction. Perfect. Where you’re pointed [Ryan “ehh”ing] R: Boy, this is slow going J: Oh actually- no, never mind. Not that direction. A little more left R: Yeah, I gotta go around this rock J: Got it. Ohh! We got him all tied up, buddy!
R: Oh, man R: I’m gonna get him on this road. Maybe that’ll be slower or easier R: Ope. I’m a little stuck J: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m riding R: Are you riding?!
J:You’re pulling me as well. Yeah [Both laughing] R: What are you doing?!
J: Look at this bastard. What’s up, man? R: Ah, come on… I’m stuck J: You’ve killed a lot of people [Gun shot]
J: Ah R: That was just for show R: I wish- it seems like we would, uh J: There he is J: I gave him a little push
R: Ah, nice. Kicked him loose or something R: seems like we would both be able to- J: Pull it?
R: tie a rope to him R: In an ideal world
J: Well, we only brought one bind R: No, we definitely have more
J: I used the rest to tie him up J: Oh, here. I’ll get behind and push. There we go R: Whoa! Whoa
J: Ope, careful there. Yeah R: He’s sliding down the hill now R: Now we’re going R: Ope J: Careful he doesn’t hit a tree too hard. Might crack his skull open R: He’s still breathing
J: He is R: Kinda expected it would be more of a dead or alive situation and more on the dead J: Well, we got the alive J: Come on buddy. We got a nice cage for you to sit in
R: Why are you so heavy? J: [straining] C’mon J: C’mon
[Ryan groaning] R: Just- It’s right up the hill! C’mon J: There we go, there we go. I’m giving it some pushes R: Am I moving? I don’t feel like I’m moving
J: You are, you are, you are R: It’s just like creeping R: Almost there. Gotta go around the camper J: C’mon, buddy J: Whoa! R: What the hell? R: He’s in me! R: What was that? J: Oh!
R: Ah! Ah!
J:Oh! R: Where is he?
J: Is he in the cage? R: Where is he?
J: Nope R: What happened?
J: Where is he? R: The rope’s still attached to me! R: Ah! R: Ah, what’s happening? J: Oh, God R: Jeremy, I’m stuck!
J: Ryan! R: Ah! R: Ahhh!
J: Ryan! R: I can’t let go R: Tell me he’s the cage R: Wait- J: Keep going. Keep going to the cage. Keep going to the cage, Ryan R: Yeah, I see the- I see the spot J: Just keep walking toward the cage [Ryan yelling] J: I think he’s glitched through the ground [Ryan still yelling]
J: That’s fine! Go to the cage! R: It’s right there! [Ryan yelling quieter] R: Get in there! J: Ope, uh- Here, come toward me again R: What is happening? R: This is a mysterious creature , Jeremy R: It’s a mysterious creature
J: Come here, then like, jump or something R & J: Ayyy!
J: There we go! J: He, boy, he had one last effort to try and get away J: There is!
R: Man J: Ha ha ha ha haa J: Ya son of a bitch J: Ya got got
R: Here, I’ll put a camera here, so we can just watch you suffer J: Yep J: [mocking] Oh, you afraid of light? Oh, no R: Let’s see… Oh, the camera is quite blinded. Oh God! It’s so bright J: Oh, yeah, sorry J: Got a little bit ahead of myself. Hang on. That’ll go away soon [Ryan yelling]
R: It’s still so bright! R: I see you, though. You look good
J: I see the camera freaking out. Yeah. Okay, there we go R: Yeah, yeah. There ya are
J: There he is, Ryan R: Good night, you hairy bastard J: You’ll fetch us a lot of money. Ooo, he’s creepy when you turn your flashlight off R: His eyes really glow
J: Yeah
R: Look at the face on that guy! J: Yeah, he’s got like a real face. Look at him. R: And he’s covered blood still. That’s uh-
J: He looks like he’s regretting R: That’s probably your blood and my blood J: Yep J: All right. Ready to get in the truck? R: Yeah, let’s get the hell out of here
J: All right [Outro]